IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Few people devote time to hobbies nowadays. Say why you think this is the case and what effect this has on the individual and society in general. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #time #hobbies #case #effect #society
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There is a tendency, nowadays, that a noticeable part of
individuals
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do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not have
hobbies
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 at all.
As a result
Linking Words
 of
such
Linking Words
 passive involvement in
hobbies
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,
people
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 start losing their own identity and begin more
boring
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bored
show examples
 as
individuals
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. In my opinion, devoting
time
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 to
hobbies
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 is an essential part of
people
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's life;
therefore
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, a
lack
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 of
such
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individuals
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 with
hobbies
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 will lead to a
lack
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 of creative
people
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 in society in general. Since we live in the era of the internet,
people
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 around the world have more opportunities for any sort of content they want.
Consequently
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, these
individuals
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 spend
a
Correct article usage
the
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 majority of their free
time
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 online: searching for something or chatting with their online friends on social media. As
the
Correct article usage
a
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 result of constantly being on the internet,
such
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 members of society usually end up having no free
time
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 for
hobbies
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.
Thus
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, in my personal view, will negatively affect
such
Linking Words
individuals
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 because our
hobbies
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 are one of the few things that build our personality. According to the latest scientific
researches
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research
show examples
, spending a lot of
time
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 online could lead to mental health problems due to
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lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of motivation to do extra activities like
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Add an article
a hobby
show examples
hobby
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hobbies
show examples
. Another reason
of
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for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 effect is poor conditions for having
hobbies
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.
For instance
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, a lot of
people
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 like to do
sport
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 as their
hobby
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, but they give up early because of insufficient
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sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 equipment or
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sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 places provided by
government
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the government
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. If
government
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the government
show examples
 of any country in the world provides good
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sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 places and free sufficient
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 for doing
this
Linking Words
sport
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,
member
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members
show examples
 of the public will enjoy doing
sport
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 as
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
hobby
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. Even though I was
passion
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passionate
show examples
 about football, I found it very problematic to continue playing football in my home town because of
bad
Correct article usage
the bad
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 quality of the football field and
bad
Correct article usage
the bad
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 quality of our team
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sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 clothes, which were necessary to wear during games. In conclusion, I would say that there are two big reasons
of
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for
show examples
Use synonyms
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
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 of
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hobby
Fix the agreement mistake
hobbies
show examples
 for some
people
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, the
first
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 is
the
Correct article usage
apply
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over
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apply
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spending
time
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 online, and the
second
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 is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 government, which does not reinforce
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 public to do
hobbies
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by bale.dunkel on

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The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Devote time
  • Hobbies
  • Nowadays
  • Busy
  • Fast-paced
  • Lifestyles
  • Work and career
  • Technology
  • Digital entertainment
  • Limited
  • Free time
  • Lack of motivation
  • Mental wellbeing
  • Physical wellbeing
  • Decreased
  • Social interactions
  • Creativity
  • Self-expression
  • Negative effects
  • Society
What to do next:
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