IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that exercise is the key to health while others feel that having a balanced is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #exercise #health
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Recently, there have been arguments that
exercise
Use synonyms
 has the principal effect on our health
although
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 said that keeping balanced is more significant. Both statements have merits for keeping shape,
thus
Linking Words
 I am going to talk about the reason why they have better affect.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the former statement talks about
exercise
Use synonyms
, it is the right way to keep our body healthy. Doing
exercise
Use synonyms
 has many effects on our bodies
such
Linking Words
 as protection from violence, steady regular habits and taking care of our minds. From
this
Linking Words
 opinion, there are so many valuable things for our body by doing
exercise
Use synonyms
. Without doing training, the amount of muscle decrease,
moreover
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 get fat. These are one of the factors of getting a serious disease.
That is
Linking Words
 why doing
exercise
Use synonyms
 is mesentery for living healthily.
Secondly
Linking Words
, balanced is more important. To illustrate, eating healthy dishes, doing
exercise
Use synonyms
 and sleeping well. Needless to say, there are crucial for humans who live longer. Having a balanced is the most reached completely healthy person
although
Linking Words
, it is hard to keep things due to other factors
such
Linking Words
 as working and studying.
Thus
Linking Words
, completely keeping balanced is impossible for present
people
Use synonyms
. But, we can consider and worry about our own health which could be much affected for lives longer from now on. From
this
Linking Words
, having a balanced is hard but be able to try and it consider. In conclusion, a number of
people
Use synonyms
 mention that
exercise
Use synonyms
 is the most needed for humans while others believe that balancing is the most significant thing.
People
Use synonyms
 hope to keep balanced without any environmental situation because it makes us stay healthy.
Submitted by shota50195010sato on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: