IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Today more people are overweight than ever before. What in your opinion are the primary causes of this? What are the main effects of this epidemic?

#people #effects #epidemic
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, there is an increasing trend of
obesity
 more than in the past.
Overweight
Add a missing verb
Being overweight
show examples
 is generally caused by eating too much and moving too little;
moreover
, the effects of
obesity
 are
health
problems
.
People
 that consume high amounts of calories mostly fats and sugar but do not burn out
this
 energy through exercise and physical activities, their surplus is stored by body fat.
Moreover
, companies like
kfc
Correct your spelling
KFC
 or mc are adding more calories to their meals in the form of double chees
of
Correct your spelling
or
show examples
 double bacon.
This
 causes that meal is better and
people
 are coming back.
For example
, many
people
 in my country work at home,
also
 they do not move a lot so they will not burn out any calories. Lots of effects of
obesity
 are involved in
health
problems
. Junk food is so unhealthy and it contains a big amount of fats and sugar.
Fast-food
Correct your spelling
Fast food
show examples
 can affect every part
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 our body from mental
health
 to skin
problems
.
People
 are getting
last
 and take away food, they do not move even for food
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can cause bad blood pressure and diabetes
problems
.
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
obesity
 can badly effects
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our sleep.
People
 who are overweight have
worst
Correct article usage
the worst
show examples
 rem sleep. Research shows that
obesity
 affected over 40 per cent of the U.S. population.
People
 who were overweight suffered the worst sense of
humor
Change the spelling
humour
show examples
,
also
 bad skin and blood pressure
problems
.
In addition
,
people
 that were overweight
whole
Correct pronoun usage
their whole
show examples
 life, live shorter. In conclusion, overweight
people
 are moving too little and
eat
Wrong verb form
eating
show examples
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 much.
This
 affects their
health
 and mental
problems
.
Submitted by bandrowskaagnieszka1 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: