IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In many parts of the world, children and teenagers are committing more crimes. why is this happening? how should they be punished?

#parts #world #children #teenagers #crimes
Nowadays, there are more and more young people committing
crimes
.
this
 essay will look at some primary reasons and offer some possible punishments which suit them. There are a number of reasons for the above crossing the laws in the young generation. The first reason for rising juvenile
crimes
 is a lack of parental guidance. These days, parents spend less time taking care of their children
due to
 their busy work schedules. Without parental care and monitoring,
as a result
, many youngsters spend time with friends and might engage in criminal activities
such
 as shoplifting or drug abuse because of peer pressure. Another cause is heavy exposure to violence on TV from watching blockbusters or gameshows.
according to
 BBC
news
Capitalize word
News
show examples
, children who watch too many violent movies or play violent games are more likely to become aggressive in their adulthood. There are several actions that could be taken to punish the teenagers
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 commit the
crimes
.
Firstly
, young people who commit minor offences
such
 as shoplifting or pickpocketing can be sent to reform schools where they are taught about the dangers of committing
crimes
.
On the contrary
, stricter punishments should be imposed on those who commit serious
crimes
such
 as robbery or violent attacks. These dangerous criminals should receive longer prison sentences.
As a consequence
,
this
 could prevent them from re-offending after being released. In conclusion, there are various factors leading to juvenile offences
such
 as
lacking
Wrong verb form
lack of
show examples
 parental guidance and TV affection and many kinds of punishments can be implemented to suit each individual.
Submitted by bengocbaby9 on

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