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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Weather countries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance, such as food and housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#weather #countries #refugees #assistance #food
Although
 it is pitiful of the people who lost their
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
 ran out from
Correct your spelling
tragedy
tragidy
Correct article usage
a tragidy
show examples
 environment where they
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
Correct your spelling
suffered
offered
sufftered
Correct your spelling
suffered
,I totally disagree to accept more
refugees
 and provide them with basic assistance.
Correct your spelling
First
Fisrt
Correct your spelling
First
 of all
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
gives
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
assistance to these
refugees
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
means the tax may
risen
Change the verb form
rise
show examples
 due to the budget government set up
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. For the population which are poor and without properties, it
sholud
Correct your spelling
should
 be stressed for them to afford it.
Second
, placing these
refugees
 may rise
criminal
Correct article usage
the criminal
show examples
 rate.
high
Add an article
the high
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 criminal rate always
Correct your spelling
happens
happen
happent
Correct your spelling
happens
 in the poor area, when the refugee
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
settle
Add the particle
to settle
show examples
 down unproperly, they may become the
theive
Correct your spelling
theory
 or rob the store for consist their daily needs.
Third
, where the right place to settle these
refugees
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
 a big problem.
for instance
, there are many
Maxican
Correct your spelling
Mexican
refugees
 on the border of
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
, but even the most powerful country could not have the proper way to manage these people, it
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
 the tricky situation that the US government couldn't
sent
Change the verb form
send
show examples
 them back to
Maxico
Correct your spelling
Mexico
, but not bring them into inland, as the result, these roamers can only stay at the tents on the border,day after day, these tents become more and more, the government
also
need
Add the particle
toneed
show examples
 send the guard to watch them. In
Correct your spelling
conclusion
conlusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, it so many cons of manage
refugees
,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 best way to face
this
 question, is
prevent
Change the verb form
to prevent
preventing
show examples
 too many
refugees
 enter in the country.
Stop
Wrong verb form
Stopping
show examples
 the war, easing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poverty,
solide
Correct word choice
and solide
show examples
 the local safe , is the best way to solve the refugee problem.
Submitted by LANPING WU on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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