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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In many parts of the world today there is a profitable market for products which lighten or whiten people’s skin. Outline the reasons for using such products and discuss what effect they have in terms of health on society?

#parts #world #market #products #whiten #people’s #skin #outline #effect #terms #health #society
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These days, since our society is very consumerist,
people
 decide to use
products
 which make their
skin
 lighter or whiter , when they want to look more appealing to others.
However
, these types of
products
 could be dangerous for their health. To elaborate, when
people
 are not younger anymore, some dark spots start to appear on their
skin
.
As a result
, they often buy creams or something else to lighten them. Indeed , any person can find a great variety of these
products
 in a pharmacy or another shop he or she usually goes to, due to the fact that cosmetic and pharmaceutical companies have
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 interest to make them.
In addition
 to
this
, Asian and Black
people
 might use
products
 to whiten their
skin
 if they want to look like Europeans.
However
, lightening or whitening
products
 often cause severe
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
show examples
 to
people
's
skin
. Indeed , I often read and listen to news regarding
this
 topic. For
Correct your spelling
instance
istance
Correct your spelling
instance
, some magazines often report that women had permanent lesions after they had used these types of
products
 or as soon as they had had plastic surgery. I personally think that doctors should inform any person about all the damages that are related to lightening or whitening
products
 .
Besides
this
, it would be better
that
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
 any person should learn to accept their physical appearance .
Submitted by silviamangioni on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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