IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Success is often measured in wealth and material belongings. Does wealth measure success? What makes a successful person?

These days, since our society is very materialistic , people who have success are often considered those who live in richness.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, as any person has a different scale of values ,
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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success for him or her could mean
to realize
Change the verb form
realizing

To realize doesn’t seem to work here.

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 important purposes in his or her life. To elaborate, by the time people are in university, they want to take excellent results.
Besides
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, after they get a job related to the profession they would like to do, they decide to work hard in the place they stay in so they could obtain a better position and salary .
As a result
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in case any person earns a lot of money, he or she might buy wonderful houses, beautiful cars and , admittedly, amazing holidays.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, despite the fact
the
Correct your spelling
that

The word the doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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 money is essential for most , other individuals consider other values more important . In fact, doctors might spend their life curing all the diseases their patients suffer from. Many people choose to go around the world taking care of those who are in poverty or war . The most essential thing for women could still correspond to
look
Wrong verb form
looking

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb look. Consider changing it.

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 after their children. I personally think that a successful person is anyone who has some big dreams and ,
keenly
Add a missing verb
is keenly

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

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, flight to achieve them.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • measure of success
  • material possessions
  • financial stability
  • personal growth
  • career accomplishments
  • contributions to society
  • high position
  • work-life balance
  • strong relationships
  • passions
  • community
  • transient wealth
  • holistic view
  • emotional aspects
  • social aspects
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