IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

; Some people think that one of the best ways to solve environmental problems is to increase the cost of fuels for cars and other vehicles. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #cost #fuels #cars #vehicles
The past 50 years have seen a dramatic increase in the occurrence of environmental problems. Some individuals claim that
this
 issue could be solved by raising the cost of fuel.
While
 I partly agree with
this
 statement, I do believe that there are many other ways to deal with
this
 issue,
instead
 of looking at only one aspect of the problem.
To begin
 with, it is an indisputable fact that after the
industrial revolution
Correct your spelling
Industrial Revolution
show examples
, the number of car factories increased.
As a result
, nowadays, the air is adversely affected by car exhaust gases which cause a harsh climate. To explain, these gases contain a huge amount of toxic substances, chief among them is Co2. To illustrate, Tehran- the capital of Iran- is a salient example of a polluted city. I suggest that by raising the pay for gasoline and petroleum, presumably, people tend to use less their private cars.
Nonetheless
, reaching
this
 aim needs pivotal
infrasturactions
Correct your spelling
infrastructures
 like a good public transportation system
as well as
 implementation
such
 cultivation as car/bike-sharing schemes. Equally importantly, the Earth suffer from some other problems more than just weather issues.
Firstly
, in recent days, more and more pollutants
are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 discharged into the oceans.
Thus
, the lives of marine animals have become under threat of extinction. A salient instant is mass-stranding in whales.
Secondly
, another major contributing factor is
nature
Replace the word
natural
show examples
 challenges. To explain, it might have been seen that more woodlands
are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 recently destroyed by builders to build more houses and villas. By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that
whereas
 increasing the expense of fuel can be beneficial for the sake of air pollution, there are a number of other problems which are pivotal as much as air contamination.
Submitted by samaneh.k76 on

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task response
Ensure that all main points are supported with appropriate examples and explanations. Develop the main points more thoroughly to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Overall, the essay shows a mostly clear progression of ideas, but it would benefit from stronger connections between paragraphs and clearer, more effective linkage of ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Environmental preservation
  • Sustainable transportation
  • Green technologies
  • Alternative energy sources
  • Renewable energy
  • Fuel-efficient vehicles
  • Electric vehicles (EVs)
  • Public transportation
  • Traffic congestion
  • Economic impact
  • Consumer behavior
  • Disproportionate effect
  • Government subsidies
  • Comprehensive policies
  • Cost-effective solutions
  • Carbon footprint reduction
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