IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #technology
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Nowadays we have two opposite opinions about modern
technology
. One part of society believes that cutting-edge
technology
 helps us to be more sociable.
Other part
Change the wording
Another part
Other parts
show examples
 of
people
 thinks it is making them less sociable. I agree with
opinion
Add an article
the opinion
show examples
 that humans should use
technology
 carefully. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I offer to discuss both views of
this
 case. On the one
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gadgets are the routine of modern life. It really helps
people
 in different directions as to cook,
to be
Change the verb form
being
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 healthy,
to study
Change the verb form
studying
show examples
,
to work
Change the verb form
working
show examples
 and others.
However
,
first
 and foremost, modern
technology
 is making
people
 more sociable.
For instance
, the main advantage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern
technology
 is to be online
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
close
people
Change preposition
to people
show examples
 in spite of the distance (
for example
, mobile video chat).
This
 possibility was very useful during the quarantine due to covid2019.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
using
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gadgets as an instrument of communication is making
people
 less sociable. In
this
way
Add a comma
,way
show examples
 they lose their habits of life conversation and prefer to stay home.
For example
, social media give the illusion that
people
 as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
members of society have
Add an article
a dialog
show examples
dialog
Change the spelling
dialogue
show examples
 with others, but
this
 is
false
Add an article
a false
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 feeling. For
this
reason
Add a comma
,reason
show examples
 humans lose their
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
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 with relatives,
friend
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friends
show examples
,
coworkers
Correct word choice
and coworkers
show examples
. The given essay illustrated as good
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 bad opportunities of modern
technology
. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
 Each person should find the limits
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 using new gadgets without the problem with his social life.
Submitted by Allazhar on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • online marketplaces
  • mobile payment options
  • personalized advertising
  • accessibility
  • compare prices
  • decision fatigue
  • impulse buying
  • financial imprudence
  • privacy and data security
  • transformed
  • streamlined
  • user-friendly
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