IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

some people feel that entertainers are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? which other types of job should be highly paid?

#people #entertainers #money #job
It has been considered by a few individuals that entertainers make very much
money
 and which is an alternative platform for getting high salaries. According to my perspective most other sources for making
money
.
To begin
 with,there are many pathways to getting high
money
.
Firstly
, if people have
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 education, they can get easily
white-collar
Correct article usage
a white-collar
show examples
 job which provides them with
wonderful
Correct article usage
a wonderful
show examples
 wage.
For example
, in multiple ,companies individuals
obtain
Correct pronoun usage
who obtain
show examples
 too much
money
such
 as amazon,BMW and extra provide extremely high profits by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
selling their products. So that it is beneficial for the community.
Furthermore
, entertainers
also
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
 fantastic
money
 through their performance on stage shows and street dancers but not all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
entertainers get much
money
 because only famous performers can make good
money
. So It is a good platform for
this
. To conclude, it can be analysed from the above discussion that there are abundant od merits and demerits of
this
 statement,
its
Correct word choice
and its
show examples
 drawbacks cannot be overlooked.
Submitted by jaspindergill3011 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: