IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Reporting of crimes and other kinds of violent news on television and in newspapers can have adverse consquences. This kind of information should be restricted from being shown in the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? You should write at least 254 words.

#minutes #crimes #kinds #news #television #newspapers #consquences #information #media
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There is a trend in Pakistan to broadcast negative news on electronic and print
media
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. It is observed the publication and broadcasting of
crimes
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 and violent behaviours develop highly negative attitudes among the viewers.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is suggested not to telecast
such
Linking Words
 news in the
media
Use synonyms
, and I fully agree with
this
Linking Words
 stance because it normalises the
crimes
Use synonyms
 among the general public, and when they go unpunished, more
people
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 dare to commit
such
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 heinous missions.
First
Linking Words
 of all, it is very necessary to keep
crimes
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 the
crimes
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 and violence the violence, and in order to achieve
this
Linking Words
 goal, these ulcers of humankind should be kept away from
general
Add an article
the general
show examples
 public because if
everyday
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every day
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people
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 watch and read
such
Linking Words
 reports, they may start considering it part of their culture, a normal thing happens every other day in
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
 part of the countries.
For example
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,
as
Change preposition
apply
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in
Pakistani
Correct article usage
the Pakistani
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 context, the military dictators have been breaching the law and constitution, and have ruled the country for decades. What helped them to do so? Their actions have been publicised more and more through
media
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 houses, no
matters
Fix the agreement mistake
matter
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positively
Correct word choice
whether positively
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 or negatively, it normalised their
crimes
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 in the minds of the masses and
people
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 started thinking it is acceptable if they breach the constitution.
Therefore
Linking Words
, there should not be
Linking Words
such
Add an article
a such
the such
show examples
level
Correct article usage
a level
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 of broadcasting of negative things that
people
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 may adopt it into their culture.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the worst part of
this
Linking Words
 episode is when
the
Correct article usage
apply
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heinous
crimes
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 go unpunished, more and more
people
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 may indulge themselves
to
Change preposition
in
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such
Linking Words
 negative activities.
As quite
Change preposition
Quite
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 recently we have seen a person named Sharukh Jatoi,
Add an article
the slaughter
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slaughter
Wrong verb form
slaughtered
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of
Change preposition
apply
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an innocent boy
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 was released from the courts by offering money to the heirs of the slaughtered boy, it has created a very adverse phenomenon
on
Change preposition
in
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 the general public: the rich think they can be released from the courts whatever crime they commit, and the poor are afraid there is no security and justice in the country,
hence
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 stressed. Had
this
Linking Words
 particular case not been highlighted in the
media
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 at
this
Linking Words
 level, the rich may still be afraid of the law, and the poor may still have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hope. Summing up, publicizing the
crimes
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do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
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 not stop them, but
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 them
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rise by normalising
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 and letting the criminal escape from the courts;
therefore
Linking Words
, neither the
crimes
Use synonyms
 should be broadcasted on
media
Use synonyms
 channels nor the criminals.
Submitted by i.linguist1 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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