IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Reporting of crimes and other kinds of violent news on television and in newspapers can have adverse consquences. This kind of information should be restricted from being shown in the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? You should write at least 254 words.

#minutes #crimes #kinds #news #television #newspapers #consquences #information #media
There is a trend in Pakistan to broadcast negative news on electronic and print
media
. It is observed the publication and broadcasting of
crimes
 and violent behaviours develop highly negative attitudes among the viewers.
Therefore
, it is suggested not to telecast
such
 news in the
media
, and I fully agree with
this
 stance because it normalises the
crimes
 among the general public, and when they go unpunished, more
people
 dare to commit
such
 heinous missions.
First
 of all, it is very necessary to keep
crimes
 the
crimes
 and violence the violence, and in order to achieve
this
 goal, these ulcers of humankind should be kept away from
general
Add an article
the general
show examples
 public because if
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
people
 watch and read
such
 reports, they may start considering it part of their culture, a normal thing happens every other day in
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
 part of the countries.
For example
,
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in
Pakistani
Correct article usage
the Pakistani
show examples
 context, the military dictators have been breaching the law and constitution, and have ruled the country for decades. What helped them to do so? Their actions have been publicised more and more through
media
 houses, no
matters
Fix the agreement mistake
matter
show examples
positively
Correct word choice
whether positively
show examples
 or negatively, it normalised their
crimes
 in the minds of the masses and
people
 started thinking it is acceptable if they breach the constitution.
Therefore
, there should not be
such
Add an article
a such
the such
show examples
level
Correct article usage
a level
show examples
 of broadcasting of negative things that
people
 may adopt it into their culture.
Furthermore
, the worst part of
this
 episode is when
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
heinous
crimes
 go unpunished, more and more
people
 may indulge themselves
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
such
 negative activities.
As quite
Change preposition
Quite
show examples
 recently we have seen a person named Sharukh Jatoi,
Add an article
the slaughter
show examples
slaughter
Wrong verb form
slaughtered
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an innocent boy
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 was released from the courts by offering money to the heirs of the slaughtered boy, it has created a very adverse phenomenon
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the general public: the rich think they can be released from the courts whatever crime they commit, and the poor are afraid there is no security and justice in the country,
hence
 stressed. Had
this
 particular case not been highlighted in the
media
 at
this
 level, the rich may still be afraid of the law, and the poor may still have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hope. Summing up, publicizing the
crimes
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not stop them, but
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 them
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rise by normalising
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 and letting the criminal escape from the courts;
therefore
, neither the
crimes
 should be broadcasted on
media
 channels nor the criminals.
Submitted by i.linguist1 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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