IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

As children become adults, their social behaviour changes in some ways. What are the main differences between young children’s social behaviour and that of adults? To what extent are the changes that take place good?

#children #adults #behaviour #changes #differences #children’s #place
There is no debate, that as
children
 grow into
adults
, they change and not just on the outside, but on the inside too. The focus of many social psychologists,
the
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
 way that
children
 are shaped from their innate ways of communicating into the somewhat limiting unwritten rules that have been set by society. In
this
 essay, I shall outline some social dissimilarities between
children
 and
adults
 as well as determine whether or not these changes are good. The
first
 distinction that comes to mind is that
children
 do not put so much care
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the opinions of others. While it may come from the inability to do so, kids often simply do what they please, without having considered the repercussions of their actions.
In contrast
 to
this
, while
adults
 are much more rational and intelligent, many
adults
 today struggle with social anxiety. While some forethought is absolutely necessary, it would be best if people learned to do what makes them happy and not fear the judgement of their surroundings. Another variation is that
children
 are much more fickle and socially inconstant.
Add a hyphen
Decades-long
show examples
Decades long
Add a hyphen
Decades-long
show examples
 mortgages and
livelong
Correct your spelling
lifelong
show examples
 marriage vows only work in the world of
adults
, where change takes a lot more effort. Adaptability is needed in everyday life and the flexibility that comes
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 youth allows one to make many friends and not
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
fend off people with their stubbornness. With all that being said, a balance is needed to marry the positive sides of both extremes. In conclusion, grown-ups are more stubborn and socially considerate than their younger selves. While
this
 certainly has advantages, it
also
 often comes with detriments, which limit everyday life.
Submitted by oimigle on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: