As children become adults, their social behaviour changes in some ways. What are the main differences between young children’s social behaviour and that of adults? To what extent are the changes that take place good?

Human behaviour defines one’s personality and nature, but as a
person
is growing up, his or
hers
Correct pronoun usage
her
show examples
attitude
also
changes
significantly.
Therefore
, a teenager has a completely different attitude than an adult in a particular situation.
This
essay will examine the key differences between the social manners of a young and a grown-up
person
.
To begin
with, the foremost difference is that
children
are adventurous and tend to be risk-takers as opposed to adults, who prefer choosing more stable living conditions.
For instance
, as
children
grow up, their tendency
of taking
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to take
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risks turns into a trait, that makes them more prone to starting a career in foreign countries, looking for more prospects, and meeting new people,
whereas
grown-ups usually are too afraid of
such
significant
changes
, because of the risk and uncertainty, socialising and forming new relationships
being
Change the form of the verb
is
show examples
a struggle for them. In fact,
this
fear is not unreasonable, since
children
are more adaptable, and it is much easier for them to adapt to a new environment and build a strong career and relationships in a foreign country,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
since adults often struggle to do so, they choose the safest option – avoid unnecessary
changes
. It is widely believed, that these
changes
are not very beneficial. It is obvious, that it is much better if a
person
is not afraid to
risk
Wrong verb form
risks
show examples
and try new things, but unfortunately,
this
behavioral
Change the spelling
behavioural
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trait often disappears as a human being gets older.
This
means that adults are too afraid to take life-changing opportunities and
therefore
, sometimes are unable to better their living conditions.
For instance
, a teenager is always going to take that job offer abroad or move to a faraway country with the goal
to get
Change preposition
of getting
show examples
a better education or
form
Wrong verb form
forming
show examples
new relationships.
Therefore
, he has the opportunity to create a better
future
for himself.
However
, an adult, who is afraid to take those risks, is going to miss the opportunity and fail at creating a better
future
. All in all,
children
experience many
changes
growing up, and not all of them are bad.
However
, the change in their attitude towards new opportunities is detrimental to a
person
's
future
, because even if he is an adult, he still can make his
future
brighter.
Submitted by oimigle on

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task response
Provide more specific examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks overall coherence and the logical structure of the ideas needs improvement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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