IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

health and whether it is going to improve in future or not. agree or disagree

The diagram explains the
participation
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 of both
men
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 and
women
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 in
fitness
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 clubs between 1970 and 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
,
men
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 were more involved in
fitness
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 than their female counterparts throughout the
period
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.
In addition
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 to that, the
year
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 1995 witnessed the most
participation
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 from
men
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 during the
period
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,
while
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 the
year
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 1985 experienced the highest rate of
participation
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 from
women
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. Regarding the
women
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, barring the
year
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 1970, on average, nearly 2000
women
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 sign up for
fitness
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 memberships during the
period
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. That being said, the
year
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 1970 recorded the least
participation
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 from
women
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, with approximately 1000
women
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 registering for physical activity. As for the
men
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, the
year
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 1985 recorded the highest rate of
participation
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 during the
period
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 in question, with almost 5,000
men
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 signing up for
fitness
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,
while
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 the
year
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 2000 experienced the opposite trend.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in the
year
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 1990, the number of
women
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 registering for
fitness
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 was nearly the same as
Men
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, with
nearly
Rephrase
apply
show examples
more than 2000
registration
Fix the agreement mistake
registrations
show examples
 on either side.

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task response
Task response: The answer lists data from the chart and has a simple start, but it needs a clear closing sentence to wrap up the idea.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence: The ideas move in a fair order, but some sentences are long. Use shorter lines and one idea per line. Connect ideas with small link words like and, but, also, then.
task response
Data check: Some figures are not clear or seem inconsistent. be sure to state only true numbers and keep forms like 'people' and 'men' or 'women' correct.
overview
Overall idea is clear: men are more in fitness than women.
data points
Many numbers are used to show how people joined over the years.
readability
Text is easy to read with simple, common words.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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