IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Scientists and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists. To what extent do you agree?

#scientists #technology #experts #society #musicians #artists
Evidence shows
upgraded
Correct word choice
that upgraded
show examples
 societies have paid attention to
people
 who choose
science
 for education.
otherwise
, there are countless music and art experts who do not
be hold
Change the verb form
be held
show examples
 in enough
regards
Fix the agreement mistake
regard
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.I believe
science
 and technology should be more appreciated owing to a number of convincing reasons. The most remarkable reason is that technology and
science
 are growing up every
second
 and
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life easier. Take medicine which is absolutely necessary as the most essential example; Even
people
have
Correct pronoun usage
who have
show examples
 difficult illnesses are capable of living much longer by taking new medicines.
However
,
show
Wrong verb form
showing
show examples
 the real meaning of life, music and art are able to feed
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
show examples
 soul. scientists and
also
 technology experts helped the country to develop, have got
high level
Add a hyphen
high-level
show examples
 income.
Thus
, it is logical that parents pay attention to their children's education in
science
 more than art. In conclusion, the valuation of
people
followed
Correct pronoun usage
who followed
show examples
 scientific and technological
educating
Replace the word
education
show examples
 is likely to outweigh
Correct pronoun usage
that of
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
music producers and artists. From my point of view, the more
science
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 improved in all sorts of societies, the more
people
 are able to live in better quality and simpler way.
Submitted by minoo.abdousi7 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • valued
  • modern society
  • scientists
  • technology experts
  • musicians
  • artists
  • reliance
  • scientific advancements
  • practical benefits
  • driving economic growth
  • daily lives
  • culture
  • human emotions
  • express ideas
  • provoke thought
  • spiritual well-being
  • emotional well-being
  • preserving cultural heritage
  • subjective nature
  • diversity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: