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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some countries invest a significant amount of money in promoting the use of bicycles. Why do you think this is the case? Does it have a positive or a negative impact on individuals and the society?

A minority of countries allocate an  adequate  amount of
money
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 to promote to
use
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 of
bicycles
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 as a precaution for environmental issues. I consider that promoting the usage of
bicycles
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 has both pros and cons, but I believe that investing
money
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 to
use
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bicycles
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 has a more beneficial effect on society and individuals. There are a number of countries worried about current environmental issues,
as well as
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 their inhabitants.
For
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this
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 reason, they try to prevent some
problems
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 by investing
money
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 to promote the
use
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 of
bicycles
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 within countries and
also
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 encourage citizens to avoid a sedentary
lifestyle
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.It is becoming popular to utilize private cars to move from one place to another.
While
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 using cars, they spread CO2 into the air, which can pollute nearby places. The reason why authorities allocate
money
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 to
use
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bicycles
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 is to try to decrease the
use
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 of cars and
also
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 to lead
people
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 to a healthy
lifestyle
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. Another reason they give too much attention to
this
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 is
because
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that
show examples
 the majority of
people
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 work in front of screens with less movement, which may cause several illnesses
such
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 as obesity,
problems
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 with eyesight, and chronic illnesses. Encouraging the
use
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 of
bicycles
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 may open new doors to a healthy and environmentally friendly
lifestyle
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. Everything has downsides and upsides; investing
money
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 in
bikes
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 has some
problems
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 too. First of all, the government has to provide some local inhabitants with
bicycles
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 who do not own their
bikes
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 and provide them with an adequate amount of
money
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. Another problem is that some
people
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 may
use
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bicycles
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 in the wrong way.
For example
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, in a 1937 experiment carried out in Denmark by scientists to provide public areas with
bikes
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,
people
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 may have used them without paying
money
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, and at the time some
people
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 stole those
bikes
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; others were badly damaged. When it comes to the positive sides of using
bikes
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instead
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 of transportation,
people
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 may adapt to a healthy
lifestyle
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, and it can be a good way to help save the environment for the next generation. Another benefit of
this
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 effort is that the government can solve some
problems
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 related to traffic
problems
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 and car accidents, which might cost a large budget, and they can
also
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 tackle natural resources. In conclusion, allocating
money
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 to promote the
use
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 of
bikes
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 brings benefits to both sides, even though it has minor downsides. In my opinion,
this
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 investment can prevent upcoming and current
problems
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, which I have mentioned above.

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Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that your essay includes more relevant, specific examples to support your points. This adds depth and strength to your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
For a better score in coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider variety of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more fluidly.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure all paragraphs are well-developed with a clear main idea. Expand on your points with specific details to solidify your argument and enhance logical flow.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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