IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that having a set retirement age (e.g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#people #retirement #age #e #g #years #everybody #occupation #workers #pension #benefit
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Almost all governments fix the
retirement
Use synonyms
 age for their citizens without taking into account how exhausting one’s job could really be.
However
Linking Words
, there is an opposing point of view, which offers a more individual touch, and says that some
professionalists
Replace the word
professionals
show examples
 should retire sooner than others. In my opinion, there should be a personal solution for every profession and in some
cases
Add a comma
,cases
show examples
 the
retirement
Use synonyms
 age should definitely be lowered
down
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
This
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 essay will examine that topic and try to point out which specialists should benefit from early
retirement
Use synonyms
. Needless to say, all jobs could be exhausting, but some of them are
also
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 wearing out physical and mental health. And while for white collars weekends or holidays could help to restore
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
energy, for some professions it is not enough.
For example
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,
people
Use synonyms
 who work in mines
everyday
Correct your spelling
every day
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 are facing a severe working environment, which is affecting their health conditions on an everyday basis. The same applies to many other job titles: psychologists, teachers,
prisoner
Correct word choice
and prisoner
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 workers. The tension that those
people
Use synonyms
 face daily just accumulates. If there was
such
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 an option to apply for
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
early
retirement
Use synonyms
 to a special committee, that would have been very reasonable. Because not all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the same profession have the same needs and it really depends on their
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
show examples
 and situation. Another great solution could be if the government could provide those who want to quit their jobs earlier with an alternative occupation in social services. In conclusion, I would like to point out that more flexibility in that question would lead to a more fulfilling life for so many
people
Use synonyms
 who really deserve it. And I fairly believe that the future of any government is in providing personal solutions for individuals.
Submitted by glebkamenetsky on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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