people today find their lives more and more dominated by their jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In
this
contemporary epoch, job-centred life has become a controversial argument. Whilst some opponents emphasize that employees' lives have become significantly relaxed and free, some proponents and I adopt a diverse stance because the competition level within the
work
environment has become much harder, and recruits are keen on ameliorating their living standard. In
this
essay, my contention will be
further
elaborated. To embark on,
although
a plethora of
workers
has become highly qualified, securing a job has become a challenging process, and
this
phenomenon has made employees concentrate more on their performance at
work
.
This
means that when a worker finds his position under threat, he will devote more time and effort to guarantee his position. An eminent example of
this
is multinational firms which continually put pressure on their
workers
.
Therefore
, a highly competitive
work
atmosphere drives recruits to be more job-centred.
Furthermore
, the overwhelming majority of citizens depend mainly on their professions to secure satisfactory living conditions, but they exert plenty of time and effort to achieve
this
.
In other words
, if civilians have part-time jobs, they will be able to cover their needs and support their families.
This
can be witnessed by
apple's
Capitalize word
Apple's
show examples
workers
who are exposed to strenuous working conditions, including 15-hour shifts.
Accordingly
, in a final analysis, self-achievement and better quality of life encourage citizens to spend extra time at
work
. In conclusion,
after
this
essay has manifested the above-mentioned points, it can be reiterated that not only does a skilled workforce boost the exaggerated devotion to
work
, but
also
the desire
of securing
Change preposition
to secure
show examples
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
life has encouraged
this
trend. Eventually, I am a staunch believer that without
this
materialistic world ,
workers
could not have been extremely drained.
Submitted by ericssonsony551 on

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Coherence and cohesion
The introduction lacks clarity and coherence. It is important to provide a clear and concise introduction that sets the stage for the discussion.
Task response
The essay does not fully address the task. It is essential to present a clear opinion and provide comprehensive arguments to support it.
Task achievement
The essay lacks clear and comprehensive ideas. It is important to provide a well-structured and cohesive argument with relevant examples.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • dominated
  • encroaching
  • leisure activities
  • continuous availability
  • productivity
  • remote and hybrid work models
  • blurs the boundaries
  • accessible
  • employment insecurity
  • gig economy
  • work-life balance
  • flexibility
  • automation
  • decrease workloads
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