people today find their lives more and more dominated by their jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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In
this
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contemporary epoch, job-centred life has become a controversial argument. Whilst some opponents emphasize that employees' lives have become significantly relaxed and free, some proponents and I adopt a diverse stance because the competition level within the
work
Use synonyms
environment has become much harder, and recruits are keen on ameliorating their living standard. In
this
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essay, my contention will be
further
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elaborated. To embark on,
although
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a plethora of
workers
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has become highly qualified, securing a job has become a challenging process, and
this
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phenomenon has made employees concentrate more on their performance at
work
Use synonyms
.
This
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means that when a worker finds his position under threat, he will devote more time and effort to guarantee his position. An eminent example of
this
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is multinational firms which continually put pressure on their
workers
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.
Therefore
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, a highly competitive
work
Use synonyms
atmosphere drives recruits to be more job-centred.
Furthermore
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, the overwhelming majority of citizens depend mainly on their professions to secure satisfactory living conditions, but they exert plenty of time and effort to achieve
this
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.
In other words
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, if civilians have part-time jobs, they will be able to cover their needs and support their families.
This
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can be witnessed by
apple's
Capitalize word
Apple's
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workers
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who are exposed to strenuous working conditions, including 15-hour shifts.
Accordingly
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, in a final analysis, self-achievement and better quality of life encourage citizens to spend extra time at
work
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
after
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this
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essay has manifested the above-mentioned points, it can be reiterated that not only does a skilled workforce boost the exaggerated devotion to
work
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, but
also
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the desire
of securing
Change preposition
to secure
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better
Correct article usage
a better
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life has encouraged
this
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trend. Eventually, I am a staunch believer that without
this
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materialistic world ,
workers
Use synonyms
could not have been extremely drained.
Submitted by ericssonsony551 on

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Coherence and cohesion
The introduction lacks clarity and coherence. It is important to provide a clear and concise introduction that sets the stage for the discussion.
Task response
The essay does not fully address the task. It is essential to present a clear opinion and provide comprehensive arguments to support it.
Task achievement
The essay lacks clear and comprehensive ideas. It is important to provide a well-structured and cohesive argument with relevant examples.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • dominated
  • encroaching
  • leisure activities
  • continuous availability
  • productivity
  • remote and hybrid work models
  • blurs the boundaries
  • accessible
  • employment insecurity
  • gig economy
  • work-life balance
  • flexibility
  • automation
  • decrease workloads
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