IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is often said that retirement is happiest time of one's life. How far do you agree with this view ?

#retirement #time #life
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In general, our world population is ageing consistently and the concern about
retired
Correct article usage
the retired
show examples
 generation is rising noticeably nowadays. It is said that retirement is the happiest time of
one
Use synonyms
's
life
Use synonyms
. But it seems to me that
this
Linking Words
 is not definitely a confirmative statement because there are still many situations that we need to look deeply into it to confirm the above comment.
First
Linking Words
 of all, the
retired
Replace the word
retirement
show examples
 age is normally ranged from 55 to 65 and over. By
this
Linking Words
 age, people are getting
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 with (a) weaker bodies which let them face lots of health issues
such
Linking Words
 as heart diseases, headaches, back pain, and some other chronic diseases.
This
Linking Words
 can lead to
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
dissatisfaction
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their health
life
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
one
Use synonyms
 like spending their time with their kids and grandchildren but some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Correct your spelling
illnesses
illnessess
Correct your spelling
illnesses
 prevent them from performing their wishes. The other negative effect (to->)of retirement is that the older they get, the lesser their physical activities (being)->are performed. By
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
,this
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 we mean that the elderly have lesser leisure options than the earlier stage of
life
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, they can not play the heavy sport but
instead
Linking Words
 of some light exercises to prevent them from hurting their body.
This
Linking Words
 condition can
also
Linking Words
 lead to other unexpected results
such
Linking Words
 as their circle of relationship would be smaller which causes isolation within their own environment.
One
Use synonyms
 more
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
negative factor is that old people would not feel happy when they have to rely on their family's support in terms of finance even if they are likely being looked after by their family and society. In conclusion, I do not really agree with the idea that the retirement is
most
Add an article
a most
the most
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 blossoming period of
one
Use synonyms
's
life
Use synonyms
 while there are lots of unexpected scenarios
could
Correct pronoun usage
that could
show examples
 be appeared in
life
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by carnations0991 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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