Young people committing crimes should be treated the same as adults by the authorities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is a view that there should be similar

punishments

Use synonyms

for young

people

Use synonyms

and adults who commit crimes.

While

Linking Words

some

people

Use synonyms

argue in favour, I strongly oppose

this

Linking Words

notion for several reasons. On the one hand, there might be visible reasons why

punishments

Use synonyms

should be the same for youth

as well as

Linking Words

adults. First of all, giving different

punishments

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seems unfair because the

offense

Change the spelling

offence

show examples

was the same, especially when it is so severe.

For example

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, in the case

murder

Change preposition

of murder

show examples

– taking someone’s life intentionally – age should not lessen the

punishment

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Secondly

Linking Words

, one purpose of having similar

punishments

Use synonyms

is to deliver justice for victims. To be clear, equal

punishment

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ensures victims feel justice is served, no matter who committed the crime. For these reasons, similar

punishments

Use synonyms

might be beneficial. Despite the arguments, I strongly believe it should not be treated the same, as the main goal should be to reform and rehabilitate the juvenile offender, to help him or her become a productive member of society.

Moreover

Linking Words

, rehabilitative approaches have helped reduce crime rates in many cities.

Additionally

Linking Words

, if

juvenile

Fix the agreement mistake

juveniles

show examples

receive the same

punishment

Use synonyms

as adults, they may not endure

such

Linking Words

harsh penalties. Because young

people

Use synonyms

are not stronger,

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

it can

also

Linking Words

affect their mental health.

Therefore

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, considering these factors, they should be treated differently. In conclusion,

although

Linking Words

giving the same

punishment

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is reasonable, I think different

punishments

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are more appropriate

due to

Linking Words

the age of offenders and young

people

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should be educated and guided rather than punished.

Bunnijon16

Nov 5, 2022

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task response

Make a clear main idea in each paragraph and tie it to the answer.

task response

Add more strong examples and link them to your point.

language

Keep ideas tight; some sentences are long and can be shorter.

language

Use simple and plain words so the essay is easy to read.

coherence

Check how you link ideas so flow is smooth from one sentence to the next.

task response

Clear position is stated from the start.

coherence

Good use of linking words to move from idea to idea.

structure

Paragraphs have a basic form: intro, body, conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

249 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

juvenile delinquency
rehabilitation
recidivism
diminished responsibility
integrate into society
developmental stage
leniency
deterrence
punitive measures
reformative justice
age-appropriate interventions
rehabilitative approaches
criminal responsibility
sentencing disparity
youth offenders
crime deterrence
legal repercussions
cognitive development
judicial system
offense severity

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