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Band 6

Nowadays some people think that teenagers are not so hard working as they used to be. What solutions can you suggest to deal with this problem?

#people #teenagers
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Nowadays, one of the global issues that young and elderly
people
Use synonyms
 face is
obesity
Use synonyms
. It may be either due to
time
Use synonyms
 spent sitting in front of a
screen
Use synonyms
 or following a diet. Apart from the causes of ,
obesity
Use synonyms
 it has adverse effects on
people
Use synonyms
 who are suffering from it. To solve
this
Linking Words
 issue, suggested limiting
screen
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 and avoiding junk food.
First
Linking Words
 of all, keep track of the
time
Use synonyms
, that
children
Use synonyms
 spend watching TV.
Children
Use synonyms
 do not know the
time
Use synonyms
, which should be spent watching television, and because of
this
Linking Words
parents
Use synonyms
 have to restrict their
time
Use synonyms
, spent in front of the
screen
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 should try to spend more
time
Use synonyms
 outside with their
children
Use synonyms
, as
it
Add a verb
isit
wasit
show examples
 beneficial for both sides. Walking on a regular basis will keep fit in both age groups,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 at the same ,
time
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 should monitor
child's
Correct article usage
the child's
show examples
 nutrition.
Last
Linking Words
 but not the least, limit unhealthy foods in the household. If
parents
Use synonyms
 bring unhealthy foods into the household,
children
Use synonyms
 may be more likely to eat them. Even though, we all know about the negative impact of those foods, we could not avoid them because of their lip-smacking taste and delicious appearance. The truth behind
that is
Linking Words
, used several aromas and artificial appearances, will malfunction our hormones and, probably, lead to
obesity
Use synonyms
. Avoiding
this
Linking Words
 kind of product will keep
people
Use synonyms
 slim enough. In conclusion, restricting
screen
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 and avoiding unhealthy food, will probably keep
people
Use synonyms
 fit. In my ,opinion the best way to reduce
obesity
Use synonyms
 in the world, is to follow a healthy diet from childhood. Because what diet
children
Use synonyms
 follow from the beginning would have an impact on their health in future.
Submitted by yokubjon_nurullaev on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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