IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Urbanisation has meant that more and more families are raising their children in the city; however, the countryside is a far better environment to bring up children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion

It is a fact that there has been a tremendous increase in the phenomenon of urbanisation in the
last
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 decade. Numerous families have migrated to the metropolis in order to improve their quality of life and raise their
heirs
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children
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 in urban areas.
However
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, there is an argument that the rural area is a far better environment to bring up offspring. I completely disagree with
this
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 statement
and
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, and
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 in the following paragraphs, I prove my point of view with
the
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apply
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supporting statements.
To begin
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 with, the foremost reason to raise children in metropolitan cities is to widen their horizons. To put it in detail, it is observed that people from all corners of the nation stay in the cities
due to
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this
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, toddlers, children
and
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, and
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 youngsters
can
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are
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 able to mingle with people from different cultures through which they can learn diverse rituals and cultures.
Besides
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this
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, those who study in the metropolis have good communication and expressive skills because of wider exposure.
Therefore
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, it is a good practice to raise kids in urban areas.
Moreover
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, there are many drawbacks to bringing up a child in the
countryside
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countryside,
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 especially
,
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apply
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 since many villages do not have sufficient facilities
such
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 as schools with modern infrastructure and colleges with adequate practical lab facilities. On top of that, still many places are not equipped with the basic amenities like internet and telephone
which
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, which
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 are considered of paramount importance in modern times.
Overall
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, by considering all the arguments above
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,
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I strongly recommend the practice of raising
the
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apply
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children in modernised areas rather than in the countryside
which
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, which
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 does not provide the essential requirements for
the
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apply
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students. It should be considered by the government
and
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, and
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 appropriate measures to be taken by the authorities to improve the quality of life in rural places in order to avoid overpopulation in the cities.

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language
Use simple words and short sentences. Check grammar rules and fix errors like 'can able' and 'offspring' - use 'children' or 'kids. Also avoid too many big words like 'metropolis' or 'offspring'.
structure
Plan your writing: start with a short intro that states your view. Then two or three body paragraphs with one main idea each. End with a short conclusion.
content
Give clear and concrete examples to support your ideas, like 'schools with good facilities' and 'fast internet' to show why cities help children.
content
Clear overall position that city life is better for children.
structure
Uses linking phrases such as 'To begin with' and 'Moreover' to guide the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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