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Band 4.5

Popular events like the football world cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way.

#events #football #world #cup #occasions #tensions #emotions
Famous contests
such
 as
football
Correct article usage
the football
show examples
 world cup and other inter
countries
Change noun form
countries'
country's
show examples
sports
 competitions are necessary in order to soothe global hostility and
creating
Wrong verb form
create
show examples
 nationalistic emotions in a secure way. I believe that
sports
 tournaments on an international level can improve the relations of different
countries
 in a very safe and sound way, but the condition is when sportsman spirit is available in the
players
.
Sports
 is one of the many factors which can bring different
players
 from various
countries
 together on a single forum or stage, not only that but
also
sports
 let them
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 to show sportsman spirit
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the ground as well.
Although
 their
countries
 are on the edge of war,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
they shake hands with each other and smile,
for instance
 in the cricket match
of
Change preposition
between
show examples
 Pakistan and India,
players
 from each team meet and greet but both of the
countries
 have stressful
relation
Fix the agreement mistake
relations
show examples
.
Moreover
, competitions between two opposite
countries
not just put
Change the verb form
are not just put
were not just put
did not just put
show examples
 the
players
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a single ground but the spectators of these nationalities are
also
 sitting together and try to cheer their teams up.
On the other hand
,
although
 there is a spirit of
sports
 present in the
players
,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
some individuals couldn’t manage their temperaments and they begin to fight and that has even led to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 fight between the spectators as well which can be considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a very dangerous situation on a
sports
 venue.
As a result
, it can increase the stress between the two
countries
 more than before which can lead to some serious consequences. In my opinion,
Sports
 tournaments or mega events are effective in improving peace and harmony globally and I agree with that statement, but contestants should be trained in
such
 a way
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
that they are able to control their emotions and anger.
Submitted by sudaiskhan992 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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