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Band 6.5

For a long timd art has been considered an essential part of all cultures in the world. Howeverr ,nowadays people's values have changed ,and we tend to consider science ,technology and business more important than arts. What do you think are the causes. What can be done to draw people's attention to art?

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Although
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art
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 has always been considered an integral part of our society, the mindset of people has now changed over time. Nowadays, everyone considers
science
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 and technology more important than artistic work. In my opinion, the values of society have changed after the revolution of
science
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 in recent times. There are several reasons for
this
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 evolution in people's way of thinking. One of the main reasons is more focus on subjects of
science
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 and mathematics in comparison to
art
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 and literature in schools. Students who are enrolled in
such
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 educational institutes always try to study harder for
science
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 subjects which automatically makes them more interested in technical content. Another big reason behind the downfall of
art
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 is disrespect for craftsmen in modern society. Recently, people not only have shifted their focus to the information technology(IT) sector but
also
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 consider creative skills less valuable than technical skills. IT fields like engineering, medicine, and business are considered more complex and respectable professions than painting, singing, dancing,and other artistic careers. No doubt, there is no respect for artists in the modern world and
this
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 is a sad reality of today's world.
However
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, we can still improve
this
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 situation by taking measures for the protection of
art
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 and literature. We can not deny the fact that our universe is incomplete without
art
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. Music, theatre, dramas, cinema,
art
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 galleries, and painting, are all considered pieces of
art
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.
Arts
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 not only provide us with entertainment but
also
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 spark creativity in us. We can take several measures to bring attention towards the
arts
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.
Nevertheless
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, students should be encouraged to take part in extracurricular activities like musical events,
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arts
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and arts
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 and crafts classes to bring their attention towards the
arts
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. We should spark their creativity by reading fictional stories for them to ignite their imagination. Imagination and creativity are powerful features of becoming an artist. Students should be encouraged to take part in artistic activities. In conclusion, I believe that we need to take a stand to protect
art
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 and literature. I strongly believe that a craftsman deserves the same level of respect and should not considered any less than engineers or doctors.

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Task Achievement
To improve the score for task achievement, it is crucial to ensure that all parts of the question are addressed. Make sure you develop your reasons for the changes in people's values with more specific examples and demonstrate how these examples relate to the decline in art appreciation.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay could benefit from clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. This will help guide the reader and clarify the main focus of each paragraph.
Task Achievement
To further support your main points, including more specific examples or case studies would add depth to your arguments and better illustrate your ideas.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are clearly defined and that they effectively introduce and summarize your essay's main ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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