Some people say industrial growth is necessary to solve poverty, while some believe it should be stopped due to environmental problem it creates. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Nowadays, individuals believe that industrial growth is important to solve poverty,

while

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on the other hand

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, some say it should be stopped

due to

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the economic problems it causes. Below, I will elaborate on both views and give my opinion.

Firstly

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, industrial growth is the development of something

such

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as industries or organizations.

However

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, the success of a single person can lead to a change in an entire community.

For instance

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, a small society with just one facility can grow into a big city

due to

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teamwork production.

That is

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, if a citizen who has made it in life, helps

others

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around them by giving employment to job seekers or building schools or markets . By doing so, inhabitants will save money from their jobs and

further

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their Education,

others

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will expand their businesses thanks to the help of other successful professionals.

At the end

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of the day, countries will enlarge

due to

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teamwork and hardships will vanish.

Secondly

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, most of the time, folks who make it in life always look down on

others

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For example

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, successful businessmen in large companies will always want to work with people of their type. So they will rather work with someone as good as them rather than give lay customers chances to prove themselves.

Additionally

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, residents with money will cease the lands of

others

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because of their wealth. When that happens, humans will live without homes to call theirs or without farmlands to cultivate crops to feed on. Many will die

due to

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poverty and hard labour.

To conclude

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, the success of a country depends willfully on the members of that state. If they all work together regardless of their status or age. Their nation will be a wonderful place to live and the generations to come will not go through the same fate as they did. But if human beings with cash are stingy and don't give helping hands to

others

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, it will affect the world in a negative way. So working together and helping the needy is the greatest way to succeed.

mankaamirieneSun Nov 06 2022

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coherence cohesion

Improve the logical flow of the essay. Make sure that the introduction and conclusion are well-presented. Provide clearer and more relevant examples to support the main points.

task achievement

Ensure that all aspects of the task are fully addressed. Keep the ideas clear and comprehensive, and include more relevant and specific examples.

14
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

341 words

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Some people say industrial growth is necessary to solve poverty, while some believe it should be stopped due to environmental problem it creates. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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