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Band 4.5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor.

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatments #doctor
Health
problems
 are the most important
problems
 that many
people
 face.
However
, whether or not
change
Fix the infinitive
to change
show examples
 the method that visiting their usual
doctor
 is a controversial issue. In my opinion,
this
 is a positive development. It is obvious that
people
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 more care about their
health
 nowadays. That means when
people
 feel their body has some
problems
, they want to find a good
way
 to
resolve
Correct pronoun usage
themresolve
show examples
.
For example
, more and more
people
 go to the hospital and clinic to visit
Add an article
a doctor
the doctor
show examples
doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
show examples
 than before. Meanwhile, lots of advertisements are
showed
Change the form of the verb
shown
show examples
 on screen. With the developed technology,
people
 have
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 to resolve their
health
problems
. Some
people
 like research information online, some
people
 like to attend some meeting about
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
 medicine, and some
people
 like to ask
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
their friends. The simple reason is
people
 like to choose
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
convenience
Replace the word
convenient
show examples
way
 for them.
Due to most
Change preposition
Most
show examples
 of them need to work hard for their family, so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they do not have enough time to visit
doctor
Add an article
a doctor
the doctor
show examples
 as usual.
Accoding
Correct your spelling
According
this
 situation, many hospitals create their website to provide
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
 that distance visiting
doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
show examples
.
People
chose
Wrong verb form
choosing
show examples
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
show examples
 to resolve their body’s
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 can
also
 reduce the pressure
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 doctors.
Therefore
, can decrease the money that government invest in public
health
.
Such
 as the cities do not
need
Add the particle
toneed
show examples
 build lots of
clinic
Fix the agreement mistake
clinics
show examples
 or
hospital
Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
show examples
, the hospital can take
more
Change preposition
up more
show examples
 space to help patients that really need help.
For instance
, some cities create
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
public
health
 care
centre
Fix the agreement mistake
centres
show examples
instead
 of
Add an article
a hospital
the hospital
show examples
hospital
Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
show examples
. Some
people
 who
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
small
Add an article
a small
show examples
 problem can go there to get help. In conclusion,
people
change
Wrong verb form
changing
show examples
different
Add an article
the different
show examples
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 to take care of their
health
 is
positive
Correct quantifier usage
more positive
show examples
 than negative.
Submitted by kevin. B on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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