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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor.

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatments #doctor
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Health
Use synonyms
problems
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 are the most important
problems
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 that many
people
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 face.
However
Linking Words
, whether or not
change
Fix the infinitive
to change
show examples
 the method that visiting their usual
doctor
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 is a controversial issue. In my opinion,
this
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 is a positive development. It is obvious that
people
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is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 more care about their
health
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 nowadays. That means when
people
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 feel their body has some
problems
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, they want to find a good
way
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 to
resolve
Correct pronoun usage
themresolve
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.
For example
Linking Words
, more and more
people
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 go to the hospital and clinic to visit
Use synonyms
Add an article
a doctor
the doctor
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doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
show examples
 than before. Meanwhile, lots of advertisements are
showed
Change the form of the verb
shown
show examples
 on screen. With the developed technology,
people
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 have
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
Use synonyms
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 to resolve their
health
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problems
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. Some
people
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 like research information online, some
people
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 like to attend some meeting about
new
Add an article
a new
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 medicine, and some
people
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 like to ask
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
their friends. The simple reason is
people
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 like to choose
most
Correct article usage
the most
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convenience
Replace the word
convenient
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way
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 for them.
Due to most
Change preposition
Most
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 of them need to work hard for their family, so
that
Correct word choice
apply
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they do not have enough time to visit
Use synonyms
doctor
Add an article
a doctor
the doctor
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 as usual.
Accoding
Correct your spelling
According
this
Linking Words
 situation, many hospitals create their website to provide
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
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 that distance visiting
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doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
show examples
.
People
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chose
Wrong verb form
choosing
show examples
different
Add an article
a different
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method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
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 to resolve their body’s
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 can
also
Linking Words
 reduce the pressure
of
Change preposition
on
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 doctors.
Therefore
Linking Words
, can decrease the money that government invest in public
health
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.
Such
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 as the cities do not
need
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toneed
show examples
 build lots of
clinic
Fix the agreement mistake
clinics
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 or
hospital
Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
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, the hospital can take
more
Change preposition
up more
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 space to help patients that really need help.
For instance
Linking Words
, some cities create
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
public
health
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 care
centre
Fix the agreement mistake
centres
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instead
Linking Words
 of
Add an article
a hospital
the hospital
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hospital
Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
show examples
. Some
people
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 who
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
small
Add an article
a small
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 problem can go there to get help. In conclusion,
people
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change
Wrong verb form
changing
show examples
different
Add an article
the different
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Use synonyms
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 to take care of their
health
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 is
positive
Correct quantifier usage
more positive
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 than negative.
Submitted by kevin. B on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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