the number of people who are at risk of health roblem duo to overweight is increasing. why?give some solutions

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There is no doubt that maintaining a balanced weight is one of the essential factors in keeping the body in good
health
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. There is a growth in the number of
individuals
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whose
health
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is seriously in danger due to overeating and overweighting . I believe obesity is increasing for some reasons and some actions should be taken to solve
this
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problem in society. The number of obese people is rising for some reasons.
Firstly
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, with today’s fast-paced
life
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,
individuals
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have to adapt themselves to the speed of
life
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and work harder and longer hours.
As a result
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, lots of fast food and pre-packaged
foods
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are consumed that are high in sugar,fat and salt and are made with additives and preservatives ,which will lead to overweighting and poor
health
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. Not to mention with fast
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foods
Change the noun form
food

Your sentence appears to use the incorrect form of foods. Consider changing it to singular.

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companies' daily advertisements, people are more manipulated to choose these unhealthy
foods
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.
Secondly
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, there is much less movement and physical activity in the 21st century’s machinery
life
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compared with prior centuries. Nowadays a tremendous amount of jobs
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are

It seems that the verb is does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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done by white collars.
Therefore
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the less physical activity people have, the more apt they are to gain weight. So, a rising in the overweight population is observed. The average obesity is possible to reduce by varying methods. The
first
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

manner is to restrict the number of fast-food advertisements advertised on social media .By adopting
such
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an approach,
individuals
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crave fewer junk
foods
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and are more successful in curbing their appetites.
Moreover
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, governments should have some plans to educate the citizens and make them aware of the hazards that are threatening their
health
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by not having a variety of nutritious
foods
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in their diet as well as lack of exercise on daily basis.
Thus
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, the overweighting issue can be dealt with in some preventable ways. To conclude,in my perception, the population of overweight
individuals
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

has increased
as a result
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

of changes in
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Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
Correct your spelling
lifestyle

The word life style seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
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and eating habits which will grow the
health
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

risks in society.
Nevertheless
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the obesity problem can be diminished by some effective solutions.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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