IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

the number of people who are at risk of health roblem duo to overweight is increasing. why?give some solutions

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is no doubt that maintaining a balanced weight is one of the essential factors in keeping the body in good
health
Use synonyms
. There is a growth in the number of
individuals
Use synonyms
 whose
health
Use synonyms
 is seriously in danger due to overeating and overweighting . I believe obesity is increasing for some reasons and some actions should be taken to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem in society. The number of obese people is rising for some reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
, with today’s fast-paced
life
Use synonyms
 ,
individuals
Use synonyms
 have to adapt themselves to the speed of
life
Use synonyms
 and work harder and longer hours.
As a result
Linking Words
, lots of fast food and pre-packaged
foods
Use synonyms
 are consumed that are high in sugar,fat and salt and are made with additives and preservatives ,which will lead to overweighting and poor
health
Use synonyms
. Not to mention with fast
Use synonyms
foods
Change the noun form
food
show examples
 companies' daily advertisements, people are more manipulated to choose these unhealthy
foods
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, there is much less movement and physical activity in the 21st century’s machinery
life
Use synonyms
 compared with prior centuries. Nowadays a tremendous amount of jobs
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 done by white collars.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the less physical activity people have, the more apt they are to gain weight. So, a rising in the overweight population is observed. The average obesity is possible to reduce by varying methods. The
first
Linking Words
 manner is to restrict the number of fast-food advertisements advertised on social media .By adopting
such
Linking Words
 an approach,
individuals
Use synonyms
 crave fewer junk
foods
Use synonyms
 and are more successful in curbing their appetites.
Moreover
Linking Words
, governments should have some plans to educate the citizens and make them aware of the hazards that are threatening their
health
Use synonyms
 by not having a variety of nutritious
foods
Use synonyms
 in their diet as well as lack of exercise on daily basis.
Thus
Linking Words
, the overweighting issue can be dealt with in some preventable ways. To conclude,in my perception, the population of overweight
individuals
Use synonyms
 has increased
as a result
Linking Words
 of changes in
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 and eating habits which will grow the
health
Use synonyms
 risks in society.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the obesity problem can be diminished by some effective solutions.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: