IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many students find it difficult to pay attention at school. What are the reasons for this? What could be done to solve this problem?

#students #attention #school
Nowadays, the most common issue is concentrating at
school
. Many
students
 locate it complex to pay attention at
school
. In my part, I will discuss, what are the causes for
this
 and what could be done to decide
this
 issue.
To begin
 with, one of the main reasons for
this
 problem is the excessive use of electronic devices
such
 as cell phones. At the present time almost all
students
 and youngsters use
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 phone to play harmful different games and different apps, kindly, and
thus
 scholars lose interest in
school
, but in order to solve
this
 problem
director
Fix the agreement mistake
directors
show examples
 and
teachers
 should collect the phones of all
students
 and return them back after
school
 or director must talk warn parents in the general group not to bring their phone to
school
.
Besides
, many
teachers
 not taught well in schools and
thus
 many
students
 and teenagers start going to classes and
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 leads to the fall of the
school
. To my mind, in order to decide
this
 challenge, in schools
teachers
 can hold interesting useful circles and conduct the lesson normally.
Moreover
, principals should hire highly educated and best
teachers
 to make the lesson useful and interesting for the
students
.
Nevertheless
, nowadays, most scholars and adolescents
rude
Add a missing verb
are rude
show examples
, arrogant,
thick-skinned
Correct word choice
and thick-skinned
show examples
 and
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 bad things,
such
 as,
sit
Wrong verb form
sitting
show examples
 and
talk
Wrong verb form
talking
show examples
 with
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 girlfriend or boyfriend in class and
this
 impacts the loss of interest in the lessons
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students
. I guess they must keep calm and talk after class. Another reason
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 that pupils have a plethora of bad friends and
therefore
 they lose interest in lessons at
school
. If pupils will be
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
 with broad-minded people,
then
this
 issue will change for
better
Correct article usage
the better
show examples
.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • concentration
  • attention span
  • distractions
  • technology
  • boredom
  • tiredness
  • engagement
  • learning disabilities
  • teaching techniques
  • classroom size
  • family issues
  • health problems
  • motivational strategies
What to do next:
Look at other essays: