IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Many people think that every individual is responsible for their own healthy lifestyle. Other believe that government should take care of it. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

#people #lifestyle #government #care
Health awareness had drastically increased over the years.
However
,
this
 realisation has come with the alarming surge of diseases. While many
people
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 they should be responsible for their own health others believes it is the
government
Change noun form
government's
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 duty to do it. In the following
paragraphs
Add a comma
,paragraphs
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 I will discuss both of the views and explain with good
rational
Correct your spelling
rationale
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 behind
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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.
Firstly
 every individual has free will and they should not be forced to do anything. Requirements
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the healthier
life-style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
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 can not be suitable for everyone because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 may be too hard to apply.
For
example
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,example
show examples
 choosing not to smoke might be great for
lungs
Correct article usage
the lungs
show examples
 but some
people
prefer
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toprefer
show examples
 enjoy the moment rather than long-term health benefits. Since society members are free to do anything, nothing should be forced upon them.
On the other hand
,
government
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the government
show examples
 can promote healthier living. Authorities
has
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have
show examples
 the power
of
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to
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augment
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augmenting
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 peoples’ behaviour
such
 as
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
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 free gym memberships,
build
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building
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 pools for folks or
prepare
Wrong verb form
preparing
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 organic food for schoolchildren. With
this
 kind of
Fix the agreement mistake
action
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actions
Add a comma
,actions
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people
 will be more encouraged to choose the right option for their good. To sum up, I believe each person’s life and decisions
ultimately
Add a missing verb
are ultimately
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 in their own control,
on the contrary
 governments might
enacts
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enact
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 laws and offer benefits to the populace to encourage
people
act
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to act
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 to better. I think both of them need to play
equal
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the equal
an equal
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part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
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of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 themselves and society.
Submitted by akbasmea on

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Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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