IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many people think that every individual is responsible for their own healthy lifestyle. Other believe that government should take care of it. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

#people #lifestyle #government #care
This
 response explores the topic of healthy lifestyles. Many believe that individuals are responsible for their choices, while others think that the government should play a significant role.
This
 paper discusses both sides of the argument before reaching a conclusion.
To begin
 with, some assert that people should be in control of their own decisions and bodies.
This
 comes in myriad forms, but discipline and accountability play vital roles.
For example
, a person could participate in sports,
such
 as trail running or swimming, in order to promote their health and
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
.
Moreover
, an awareness of what constitutes a balanced diet is integral to longevity and happiness.
In contrast
, there are those convinced that the government should be accountable for helping society lead successful and positive ways of living.
For instance
, they could introduce laws that ban harmful practices, like smoking cigarettes and alcohol consumption.
Furthermore
, they have the power and authority to reduce employee workloads which would, ultimately, lead to an engaged and productive workforce. The latter would,
in addition
, decrease stress-related illnesses,
such
 as heart disease and depression. While both sides of the argument are valid, I consider the government to be a more important factor.
This
 is largely due to their ability to use their position of authority, respect and charisma to reach out to the masses. They could do
this
 via advertisements and speeches, which may include nutritional tips and the benefits of daily exercise.
Such
 practices would motivate communities to lead better lives.
Submitted by z.pfister on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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