IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many people think that every individual is responsible for their own healthy lifestyle. Other believe that government should take care of it. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

#people #lifestyle #government #care
In
this
 essay, I explore different views towards who should be held accountable for leading healthy lifestyles. Some believe that the individual is responsible, while others think that the government plays a significant role. I will discuss both arguments with relevant examples, and share my stance on the subject.
To begin
 with, many consider
people
 to be in charge of their own life choices. They assert that it is down to an individual to organise their lives in a manner that allows
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them to manage their time, exercise and partake in healthy eating practices.
For example
, a person with a busy schedule may wake up early in order to go for a morning jog and introduce vegetables into their diet.
Nevertheless
, those that neglect
such
 practices may suffer from illnesses,
such
 as obesity and heart
diseases
Fix the agreement mistake
disease
show examples
.
However
, others are convinced that the government should take care of
people
 and lead by example. There are myriad ways in which they can do
this
,
such
 as
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
 advertisements to promote health and
deliver
Wrong verb form
delivering
show examples
 speeches on mental
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
. I think
this
 is more important than individual responsibility, insofar as governing bodies are able to use their position of authority, charisma and eloquence to reach out to
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
show examples
. In consequence, they can motivate them to make positive choices.
Furthermore
, they could reduce employee workloads.
This
 would lead to happier and
productive
Correct quantifier usage
more productive
show examples
 workforces. Not only
this
, but it would
also
 reduce stress-related diseases. All in all, while both sides of the argument are valid, the government plays a more integral factor. They are in charge of countless
people
 and are role models. Due to
this
, they are able to influence and bring about welcome changes.
For instance
,
this
 response illustrates how they can advise
people
 on the importance of sport participation and introduce shorter working days.
Submitted by z.pfister on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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