IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Many people think that every individual is responsible for their own healthy lifestyle. Other believe that government should take care of it. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

#people #lifestyle #government #care
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The
Article
Fix capitalization
article
show examples
 talks about the fact that numerous
people
Use synonyms
 believe that each person is responsible for their own
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 and
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
, as well as that it's the responsibility of the
government
Use synonyms
 to take care of
people
Use synonyms
's health. On one
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 it's our personal decision to stick to a healthy
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 and no one can force us except ourselves. The main attitude to have a healthy
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 is to set rules and really stick to them. Cutting fast food,
junk
Correct word choice
and junk
show examples
 food and setting up an exercise plan for the week.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, nearly all of the streets with advertisements about
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
 food as well as on cigarette boxes,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
always says “Smoking Kills”, which tries to encourage
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to quit smoking
On the other hand
Linking Words
, because the
government
Use synonyms
 has the authority to pass laws and possesses all the power of a nation, it's
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 responsibility to promote a healthy
lifestyle
Use synonyms
. An effective strategy for getting more
people
Use synonyms
 to exercise is to provide more additional public sporting venues. The only source of credit that might be used for
this
Linking Words
 action is the
government
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, unhealthy commercials like those for
McDonalds
Change noun form
Mcdonald's
Mcdonalds'
show examples
 appear on TV today. I personally think that each and every person should be responsible for their own health, of
course
Add the comma(s)
,course
show examples
 the
government
Use synonyms
 can support them but at the end of the day
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 our responsibility to look after ourselves.
Submitted by z.pfister on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: