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Band 3

Many people think that every individual is responsible for their own healthy lifestyle. Other believe that government should take care of it. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

#people #lifestyle #government #care
The
Article
Fix capitalization
article
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 talks about the fact that numerous
people
 believe that each person is responsible for their own
lifestyle
 and
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
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, as well as that it's the responsibility of the
government
 to take care of
people
's health. On one
hand
Add a comma
,hand
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 it's our personal decision to stick to a healthy
lifestyle
 and no one can force us except ourselves. The main attitude to have a healthy
lifestyle
 is to set rules and really stick to them. Cutting fast food,
junk
Correct word choice
and junk
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 food and setting up an exercise plan for the week.
Furthermore
, nearly all of the streets with advertisements about
health
Replace the word
healthy
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 food as well as on cigarette boxes,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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always says “Smoking Kills”, which tries to encourage
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
 to quit smoking
On the other hand
, because the
government
 has the authority to pass laws and possesses all the power of a nation, it's
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 responsibility to promote a healthy
lifestyle
. An effective strategy for getting more
people
 to exercise is to provide more additional public sporting venues. The only source of credit that might be used for
this
 action is the
government
.
Additionally
, unhealthy commercials like those for
McDonalds
Change noun form
Mcdonald's
Mcdonalds'
show examples
 appear on TV today. I personally think that each and every person should be responsible for their own health, of
course
Add the comma(s)
,course
show examples
 the
government
 can support them but at the end of the day
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 our responsibility to look after ourselves.
Submitted by z.pfister on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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