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Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people think that every individual is responsible for their own healthy lifestyle. Other believe that government should take care of it. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

#people #lifestyle #government #care
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Health
Use synonyms
 is the most important part of our life. Who would not say that the presence of a healthy
lifestyle
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 is important for the person as a whole
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 On
this
Linking Words
 topic,
people
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 have different points of view, including many who believe that a healthy
lifestyle
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 is everyone's own
responsibility
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. Others think that the
government
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 needs to take care of it. “Everyone should take care
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their own
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lifestyle
Add the punctuation
,lifestyle
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” says those who consider their life their own business. It is a good idea that everyone is responsible for themself and must rely
first
Linking Words
 and foremost on themself. It gives
motivation
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the motivation
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 to make a healthy
lifestyle
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 individually:
have
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has
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 healthful sleep,
regulate
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regulates
show examples
 meals, doing
sports
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 and exercises.
However
Linking Words
, there are
people
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 who think about the
government
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's
responsibility
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 for
people
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's
health
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. They believe that individuals usually cannot monitor their
health
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 because of long working days, family and difficult circumstances. In
this
Linking Words
 condition, they expect that the
government
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 will make special programs like
promotion
Correct article usage
the promotion
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 of
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
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lifestyle
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, holding
sport
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sports
show examples
 events,
sponsor
Wrong verb form
sponsoring
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sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 facilities etc. I do think that
people
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’s
health
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 and healthy lifestyles are an individual and collective
responsibility
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. It is very difficult to keep socially important things at a decent level.
Health
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 is the most significant part of
people
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's lives and a big part of
health
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 is
sports
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is a question not only of opportunity
,
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apply
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 but of the
responsibility
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 of the whole society
about
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regarding
show examples
 the
health
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 of the population. So, it is necessary that both
people
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 and the
government
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 make a common effort to take care of the
health
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 of society. The
government
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 should build
sports
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 clubs and
sports
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centers
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centres
show examples
, educate young
people
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 about
sports
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, allow students to participate more in
sports
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 competitions, and monitor the nutrition in school canteens.
People
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 will attend gyms and exercise, and learn to follow diets. Students in canteens will consume only healthy food and win
sports
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 competitions. After all,
health
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 is in
sports
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.
Submitted by z.pfister on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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