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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe the purpose of education is to make people useful to society. Others believe it is to prepare them to achieve their ambitions. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
Individuals are divided in their
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
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 regarding the context of academic learning. To
someone
Correct your spelling
some
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, the motto of studying should be providing services to the community
whereas
Linking Words
 many others think the main intention of a student should be achieving their own goals. Both schools of thought make sense to a certain extent and
hence
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 both sides of the argument will be discussed in the subsequent paragraphs.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, it is obvious that persons with organizational learnings can contribute to the development of a nation more efficiently through their specialized knowledge and expertise
in particular
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 fields of their studies.
For example
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, when someone studies medical science society desires him/her to serve in healthcare institutions in order to ensure the medical treatment of the general public.
Therefore
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, almost every field of study has a core motive to serve society and no learner can deny
this
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 fact.
Body paragraph 2
Again,
one
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 of the significances of education is to make a person free of societal restrictions.
According to
Linking Words
this
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 point of view, education should be for the freedom of
one
Use synonyms
's own choices so that s/he can be anything they want whether it brings societal benefit or not.
For instance
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,
One
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 may have the desire to be a singer which seems unimportant to run a nation but
one
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 should have the right to build his career in singing as long as it does not harm citizens. In fact, songs can play a vital role in recreation related to
people'
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people's
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 mental health which is not any less important.
Conclusion
However
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, after pondering both views, I can say whatever the purpose people think of learning, schooling always serves the well-being of society either directly or indirectly.
Hence
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,
to conclude
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, the motto of study does not necessarily lie on any sole objective rather it is for the betterment of the nation as a whole.

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task achievement
The essay provides a good discussion of both perspectives. However, for a higher score, consider expanding on the implications of each viewpoint and providing more depth in your analysis.
coherence cohesion
The transitions between paragraphs are smooth, but you can use linking phrases to ensure even greater coherence. Consider using words like 'furthermore', 'in addition', or 'moreover' to connect ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your essay maintains a logical structure, including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To improve, make sure each paragraph fully develops a single main idea.
task achievement
The essay discusses both views and addresses the task prompt effectively, providing a balanced perspective.
task achievement
You included specific examples, such as becoming a medical professional and a singer, which help to illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
The introduction sets up the discussion clearly, and the conclusion summarizes the main points effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay exhibits a logical progression of ideas, with separate paragraphs for each perspective, making it easy for the reader to follow.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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