Do you agree or disagree? people spent too much time on personal enjoyment doing things they like to do rather than doing things they should do.

Nowadays,
life
has become challenging,
advanced
Correct word choice
and advanced
show examples
technology and materialistic behaviour have changed the way
of
Change preposition
apply
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people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
thought processes and lifestyles. In my opinion,
people
are wasting their
life
on leisure activities. I believe
this
way because of certain reasons which will be illustrated in the following essay.
To begin
with, it is commonly observed that young
people
indulge in activities that are related to advanced technology like computers, mobile and social networking sites rather than focusing on their studies.
For example
, one of my friends got mobile when he was in school, and he never cared about studying. He was always busy making videos and using Facebook, Twitter and other sites. Eventually, he failed in final exams because of not
giving
Wrong verb form
give
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proper attention to the studies that he was supposed to do. There are numerous examples of teenagers who are mesmerized by social media and online games that they do not understand that these things are not to be prioritised.
Secondly
,
people
are running after money that brings pleasure and comfort to
life
, but they are ignoring their families and their health.
For instance
, my uncle always wanted a luxurious
life
; undoubtedly, he worked hard to make his dream come true but at the cost of his health. Due to excessive ,work he got cardiovascular problems and they are getting worst.
Moreover
, he is not able to work anymore. It is evident from different researchers that
people
are killing their relaxation time and time they need to spend with family in order to, earn more money. in conclusion,
people
are more inclined to make themselves happy rather than doing what is right for them to do. Either they are wasting their precious time playing games and on social media, or they are spending 12 hours every day to make more money which is actually making them sick because of aggressive and unbalanced working hours in both ,cases it is not the right thing to do.
Submitted by Rushna Anwar on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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