IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many countries spend large amounts of money on preparing competitors in major world sporting events such as the Olympic Games and football World Cup. Instead, this money can be spent on encouraging children to take up sports at a young age. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In
this
 day and age, several countries invest a huge
amount
 of
money
 in
athletes
 joining sporting events
such
 as the Olympics or World Cup.
However
, it is believed by some that
this
amount
 of
money
 should be diverted to encouraging
children
 to take up
sports
. It is my firm belief that the government should allocate funds to both. On the one hand, there are several merits of investing in
athletes
 taking part in sporting events.
To begin
 with, when the performances of the
athletes
 are outstanding, numerous visitors might come to the host country of the event in order to watch those participants.
As a result
, the host country can earn a large
amount
 of profit thanks to tourism.
Moreover
, the country’s image can be promoted
due to
 the fame of these accomplished
sports
 players.
For example
, there are lots of people who know about Korea and Japan because these 2 countries organized the World Cup in 2002, a
sports
 event in which there were many well-known sportspeople.
On the other hand
, I personally believe that it is
also
 practical to spend
money
 on promoting
children
 to practice
sports
.
First,
playing a sport may help
children
 to improve their health, both mentally and physically. After spending long hours at school,
children
 might be under a great
amount
 of stress.
However
, they can opt for a sport as a hobby in order to relax and
this
 might help improve their mental health.
Also
, by playing a sport for a long time, their health can be significantly enhanced.
Second,
it can be easier for
children
 to make lots of friends when playing
sports
.
As a result
,
this
 may help them to become more outgoing and more confident because they will have several chances to communicate with others. In conclusion,
although
 some think that the authorities should invest in encouraging the young generation to take up
sports
instead
 of using a large
amount
 of
money
 for
athletes
, it is my firm belief that the government should spend on both sides.
Submitted by huynhtrucminhthu39 on

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task achievement
While the essay provides a balanced view and clear introduction and conclusion, ensure all main points have equal development. The discussion on children's benefits of sports could have been expanded further.
coherence cohesion
Improving transitions between paragraphs and ensuring a consistent logical flow throughout the essay would enhance coherence and cohesion. Use clear linking phrases to guide the reader between ideas smoothly.
task achievement
Your essay effectively balances both sides of the argument and gives a comprehensive response to the question.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame the essay's main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • grassroots sports
  • lifelong love for physical activity
  • physical well-being
  • teamwork
  • discipline
  • perseverance
  • nurture potential talent
  • healthier societies
  • accessibility
  • inclusivity
  • national pride
  • unity
  • economic boost
  • global recognition
  • balanced approach
  • elite sports
  • funding
  • long-term benefits
  • exposure to sports
  • youth sports
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