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Band 5.5

Women can do everything that men can and they even do it better. They also can do many things that men cannot. But it is a fact that their work is not appreciated as much as men’s, although they have to sacrifice a lot for their family and career… It is said: “A woman’s place is in the home.” What do you think?

#women #men #fact #work #men’s #sacrifice #career… #“a #woman’s #place #home
Women
 can do
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a lot
alot
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a lot
 of things that
men
 do or even better.They have got
ability
Add an article
the ability
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 to do
work
 that
men
 can not.
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Even though
Eventhough
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Even though
 do not look
their
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at their
show examples
work
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valuable
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as valueable
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valueable
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valuable
 like
men
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
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,
women
 do more sacrify to their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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,it
always
Add a missing verb
is always
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 said
women
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women's
show examples
 place is
home
.I completely
agree
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onagree
toagree
withagree
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 the above statement.
Women
 can do different
work
 at the same time man can not
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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such
 as:
house
 holding,
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
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outside
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out side
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outside
show examples
 to get raising up economical their family.
Firstly
,
women
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women's
show examples
 role in kids raising
up
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apply
show examples
,cleaning
house
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the house
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,
making
Correct word choice
and making
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 food is
in
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at
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 the top .
For example
, I am a mom of a kid despite working outside every day making food, doing dishes ,cleaning my
house
 and
help
Wrong verb form
helping
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 my children
in
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with
show examples
 his school
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homework
show examples
home
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homework
show examples
work
 and
shower
Wrong verb form
showering
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 him unlike his father do not do
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anything
show examples
any thing
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anything
show examples
 above I mentioned.
Secondly
,
women
 just do what
men
 do in the
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outside
show examples
out side
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outside
show examples
home
some time
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sometimes
show examples
 do better
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
For example
, I am a dentist I
work
 at our private clinic with my husband every day doing daily
clinc
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clinic
work
 like, teeth filling, bleaching teeth ,and making veneer for esthetic and
consevative
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conservative
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purposes
purpuses
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purposes
.Some of our patients ask me to do
work
instead
 of my
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husband
hisband
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husband
 since they
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
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believed
belived
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believe
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
work
 is more accurate and less painful.Despite all of
this
 many people do not give value
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their
work
 and tiredness they said
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
 place is
home
 I think culture and nationality affect
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their thinking. In conclusion,the
women
 have power to do the
work
 the
men
 do and the ability to do extra
work
 like
house
 holding ,
looking
Correct word choice
and looking
show examples
 after their children but most
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
folk can not see that due to their religion or community culture.
Submitted by Lazyanlatif18 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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