IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that new houses should be built in the same style as older houses in the local area. Others disagree and say that local authorities should allow people to build houses in the styles of their own choice. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In recent years, having a house is extremely essential for everyone. Some groups of people believe that homes should be constructed in the same
style
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 as older homes in the regional area. Others think that the municipality should give permission to individuals to build their
houses
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according to
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 their choices. I will discuss both views with related examples and
also
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 mention my opinion in the following essay.
To begin
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 with, several reasons can be put forth to support the first view. First and foremost, older
houses
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 were more functional and convenient for people to live in.
For example
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, in the past, one could generate heat in the home by lighting up a fire with wood in the fire pit rather than operating difficult heating machines.
Additionally
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, the
style
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 of older homes provides more simplicity and peace.
Therefore
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, a study by the University of Waterloo mentioned that 50% of old age people prefer to live in the older
style
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houses
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.
On the other hand
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, we cannot ignore that a home which is built by own choice gives more flexibility to humans. The main reason is that nowadays individuals prefer to use more technology in their
houses
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while
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 building.
As a consequence
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, they can enjoy their stay with less physical activities. To illustrate, installing elevators in the multi-story house can reduce human activity
instead
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 of climbing stairs. Apart from that, modern
houses
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 are more attractive and reliable.
To conclude
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, the same
style
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 of older residence has simplicity, convenience and satisfaction of living.
However
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, those residences which are built by choice have more smart work and are appropriate
according to
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 today’s era.
According to
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 my opinion, both views have their own merits and specialities.

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coherence and cohesion
The introduction provides a clear overview of the topic and outlines your intention to discuss both views and your opinion. However, it could be improved by directly stating your opinion in the introduction instead of mentioning it only in the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
While the paragraphs are logically structured, some of the points need more development. For example, the reasons supporting both views could be further elaborated with more examples or explanations to enhance clarity.
task achievement
Your use of examples is relevant but could be made more specific. For instance, you could mention specific types of modern construction technologies or styles that illustrate your points more vividly.
task achievement
Ensure that your conclusion clearly summarizes your analysis, restating your opinion more explicitly to reinforce the overall message of your essay. It currently appears somewhat vague.
task achievement
The essay effectively presents both sides of the argument, demonstrating a balanced perspective on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your organization of ideas is generally clear, with distinct paragraphs for each viewpoint, which aids overall readability.
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