IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Since the 18th century technological advances have replaced people in the workplace. With today’s technology this process is happening at a greater rate. Technology is increasingly responsible for unemployment. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It is often argued that excessive improvement in
technology
Use synonyms
 is considered an indispensable factor in our lives,
consequently
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, the unemployment rate has increased.
Although
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 I agree that
technology
Use synonyms
 has made a great impact in the industry, I believe that we cannot dispense with the human element in the work. At the outset, myriads of folk have been replaced, because automation has been used in versatile fields.
Firstly
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, it is known that apparatus has the ability to perform multiple tasks in a short time, and with non-existent error;
therefore
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, some manufacturers prefer to recruit apparatus so that they will gain numerous profits.
In addition
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, industrialization reduces the cost of production, as they do not get paid, unlike the employees who need appropriate wages to afford their needs.
For instance
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, some supermarkets have superseded cashier careers with self-checkout auto appliances that perform tasks promptly.
This
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 is why Industrialized machinery becomes more and more crucial every day. In sharp contrast to
this
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,
although
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 automation has resulted in losing people their jobs, it is
also
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 the reason for creating new professions in which
machines
Use synonyms
 need to operate them. Factories manufacturing computers, cell phones and ATM
machines
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 employ tens of thousands of people, and these jobs were not available a few decades ago. To illustrate
this
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, every machine requires regular maintenance as
machines
Use synonyms
 need inventors to improve their work, and teachers and instructors to show folk how
machines
Use synonyms
 should be used.
Thus
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, advanced automation has a crucial role in creating new professions that were not available before.
To conclude
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,
although
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 some people feel that
technology
Use synonyms
 has resulted in unemployment, I think that,
technology
Use synonyms
 makes our life easier and has a vital role in many fields and generates new jobs.

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coherence cohesion
Keep a clear and logical structure throughout your essay. Make sure each paragraph clearly relates to the main argument and that the transition between ideas is smooth and logical.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and provide a good framework for your essay, but ensure that the thesis statement in the introduction is clear and that the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points without introducing new ideas.
coherence cohesion
Expand on your main points with specific details and examples to support them. This strengthens your argument and demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Ensure you are addressing all parts of the task. Your response should clearly answer the question posed, taking into account all aspects of the statement to present a balanced view.
task achievement
Develop your ideas fully to cover the topic comprehensively. Each paragraph should focus on a different aspect of the argument or provide new information to support your position.
task achievement
Include more examples that are directly relevant to the topic. Specific examples add depth to your essay and illustrate your points more convincingly.
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