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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that schools should concentrate on teaching students academic subjets that will be useful for their future careers. Other people say that subjects such as music and sports are also necessary. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #schools #students #subjets #future #careers #subjects #music #sports
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Nowadays it is used to say that in schools the main lessons should regard just academic
subjects
Use synonyms
 giving not so
Correct quantifier usage
much importance
show examples
importance
Replace the word
important
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 to other
subjects
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as sports or music. On the
one
Use synonyms
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 I could say that it is quite necessary and
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the meantime play a big role
Linking Words
such
Change preposition
in such
show examples
 kind of
subjects
Use synonyms
 but
on the other hand
Linking Words
 music and sports can give a person not only intellectual education but
also
Linking Words
 physical activities.
This
Linking Words
 kind of
Use synonyms
subjects
Fix the agreement mistake
subject
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 which children can take part in it, play
really
Add an article
a really
show examples
 significant role in their lifestyle. As for the truth, these lessons were
one
Use synonyms
 of the most favourite, enjoyable and useful for me. It gave me much energy, responsibility and why not the opportunity
for
Change preposition
to
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communication
Replace the word
communicate
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to
Change preposition
with
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 each other heart by heart
.
Change the punctuation
?
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 I remember when I was sixteen, I should decide what kind of profession I would like to choose. Though I was fond of sports
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
show examples
 basketball, my parents
was
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were
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 against
of
Change preposition
apply
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it they had a dream for my future education,
they
Correct word choice
and they
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 tried to do their best for me to participate in English lessons.
Fortunately
Add a comma
,Fortunately
show examples
 I really enjoy
this
Linking Words
 gorgeous language which is
one
Use synonyms
 of the most beautiful , interesting and international
Use synonyms
one
Change to a plural noun
ones
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 nowadays. I am quite
Correct your spelling
thankful
thankfull
Correct your spelling
thankful
them
Change preposition
to them
show examples
 for
this
Linking Words
decisionand
Correct your spelling
decision and
decision
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 position for my future life. Now I am a head manager in
one
Use synonyms
 of the biggest
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
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 in our country and very often
this
Linking Words
 language helps me to communicate
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 other
Correct your spelling
companies
companie's
Change noun form
companies'
show examples
representations
Replace the word
representatives
show examples
.
As for
Change preposition
In
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion, if my children will try to have
Correct article usage
a profession
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profession
Correct article usage
a profession
show examples
regarding
Change preposition
in
show examples
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 or music
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the future, I will do everything to give them
this
Linking Words
 opportunity and their dream or aim to bring to life.
Submitted by lyov878 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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