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Writing Samples
Band 5

In the modern world, it is possible to communicate with people via internet without any face-to-face contact with others. Is it a positive or negative development?

#world #people #internet #contact #development
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These days, technology has been developing immediately, so in the modern era,
people
 can interact with other populations by connecting to the Internet
instead
 of visiting them in real positions. In my opinion,
this
 happening is a positive development owing to the fact that
people
 can improve their knowledge about other
countries
 and
homesick
Replace the word
homesickness
show examples
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Immigrants. On the one hand, nowadays, a lot of
people
 do not have a great deal of
not only
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
time but
also
 money
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 travel to other
countries
 and know about their culture, customs and so on;
however
, they have access to social media, the massive systems that
people
 from all over the world can use, with the Internet and they can find the friends in other
countries
 and speak with them to improve their information about the other
countries
 and
people
's lifestyles.
On the other hand
, if communities immigrate to other
countries
 or other cities for several reasons like education, job opportunities, and so forth, they need some time to see their both family members and friends lose the bad
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
show examples
 that are a result of living far from the
people
 who like.
In other words
, they live in
ta
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 region
that is
 really far from their hometown and need to spend a lot of time going there;
therefor
Correct your spelling
therefore
show examples
, they can use various applications, creating a chance for them to communicate with the
people
 who want,
such
 as Google Meet, Telegram and so on.
To sum up
, in my view,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
communication
that is
 based on the computer has some benefits for communities who do not have a situation to journey to other
countries
 to enhance their data about other
people
 and lose
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 bad feeling
that is
 a consequence of living far from their family and friends.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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task achievement
Your response addresses the general task prompt, but clearer organizational structure would enhance understanding.
task achievement
It would be beneficial to expand on and clarify ideas with more detailed examples and explanation.
coherence and cohesion
Link your ideas with clearer transitions to improve the logical connection between points.
coherence and cohesion
Try to consistently structure your argument to build a stronger case throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, which frames the content well.
task achievement
Good attempt at presenting two main points of view supported by arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Face-to-face interaction
  • Digital communication
  • Virtual meetings
  • Remote work
  • Real-time communication
  • International connectivity
  • Socio-economic divide
  • Miscommunication
  • Nonverbal cues
  • Emotional connection
  • Online presence
  • Global networking
  • Technological advancement
  • Virtual collaboration
  • Digital literacy
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