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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some parents believe that students must work at school and spend their free time learning their school lessons, while others believe that students need to spend their free time playing and developing other skills. With which opinion do you agree? Use spesipic reasons to support your opinion?

#parents #students #work #school #time #lessons #skills #spesipic #support
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It is widely acknowledged that nowadays the government is carrying out a lot of changes in the education field day by day.
Hence
, some
people
 think that students should learn in their leisure time with school textbooks and other
people
 are against
this
 idea which they need to occupy other
activities
 . I firmly believe that the latter view is the right decision and I will support
this
 view with arguments in the following paragraphs.
Firstly
, by learning school lessons students can improve their knowl8.
Therefore
, playing sports games and developing other skills can help to spend entertainment in their free time.
In other words
, it leads to a better quality of their life and boosts work-life balance.
For example
, thousands of
people
 visit a lot of sports centres , libraries , extra lessons and other
such
 things in order to enjoy their leisure time. These
activities
 can teach
people
 not only to give some bits of knowledge but
also
 to be
responsible
Add an article
a responsible
the responsible
show examples
, methodical and good-natured, managerial experience .
This
 , in turn, helps attain
very
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
success .
Secondly
, engaging in
such
activities
 can be free from stress and pressure. Undoubtedly, it broadens your horizons. Students who
obtain
Verb problem
experience
show examples
 less stress do not struggle to keep abreast with society.
However
 , if a student does not want to learn
such
activities
, their parents need not force them to study them .
This
 can lead to extreme consequences in the future as the child would only measure their success based on academic rather than personal success.
To sum up
, taking everything into consideration
although
 learning these
activities
 is
some
Correct your spelling
somewhat
show examples
 hard, I soundly believe that these cannot outweigh their advantages.
Submitted by uluga2002 on

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Task Response
Provide a clear opinion and support it with specific reasons throughout the essay. Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are present and effectively summarize the main points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on organizing the essay with clear topic sentences and supporting details. Ensure that there is a clear progression of ideas throughout the essay.
Lexical Resource
Expand the range of vocabulary and use academic language more appropriately. Also, ensure that the language used is precise and conveys the intended meaning clearly.
Grammatical Range
Work on sentence structure and accuracy. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and word order for clearer expression of ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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