IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

in the interest of public health governments should ban cigarettes and other tobacco products. Do you agree or disagree?

#interest #health #governments #ban #cigarettes #tobacco #products
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A debatable discussion point is whether tobacco products should be prohibited for good public
health
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. I contend that banning smoking will reduce smoking-related
diseases
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 and the economic burden on
healthcare
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 systems, despite those who believe that it is a person's right to smoke. It must be acknowledged that cigarettes and tobacco products always adversely affect those who smoke. Extensive research has consistently shown that smoking is the leading cause of various
diseases
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, including lung cancer, heart disease, and respiratory illnesses. By implementing a
ban
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,
governments
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 can protect smokers and non-smokers from exposure to harmful carcinogens. in 2019/20 there were estimated to be 500,000 hospital admissions attributable to smoking and 76,000 deaths in the UK.
Thus
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,
the a
Choose an article
the
a
show examples
 necessity to reduce the incidence of
diseases
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 and improve public
health
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 outcomes.
Furthermore
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, smoking-related illnesses impose substantial economic burdens on
healthcare
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 systems and society as a whole. If
governments
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 prohibit smoking, they can alleviate the strain on public
healthcare
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 expenditure, reducing the need for costly treatments and improving
overall
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healthcare
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 affordability for all citizens. take the UK,
for example
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, where 1.4 billion pounds was spent on social care for smoking-related care needs and 2.5 billion pounds on NHS services
last
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 year.
This
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 money could help smokers become healthier rather than treat their illnesses. Those against a smoking
ban
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 emphasize personal freedoms and the right to make individual choices. They argue that individuals have the autonomy to decide whether or not to smoke and that a
ban
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 would encroach upon personal liberties,
thus
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, setting a precedent for government interference in lifestyle choices.
This
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 point has credibility, but
governments
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 are responsible for safeguarding their citizens. By enforcing a smoking
ban
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,
governments
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 can reduce smoking-related
diseases
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, improve
overall
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 public
health
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, and mitigate the economic burden associated with
healthcare
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 costs.
While
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 personal freedoms are an important consideration, the evidence regarding life-threatening
diseases
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, the
healthcare
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 system's cost and the government's responsibility for public
health
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 support the implementation of smoking bans.
Therefore
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, it should have been shown that prohibiting smoking can lead to a healthier environment for all.
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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a more compelling conclusion that restates your primary point emphatically. This can help to leave a stronger impression on the reader.
Task Achievement
While your examples are relevant, try to incorporate them more seamlessly into the narrative. This will enhance the flow of your argument.
Other
Watch out for minor grammatical errors and punctuation issues, such as 'in 2019/20' which should be capitalized, and 'Thus, the a necessity...' which needs correction in structure.
Task Achievement
You provide substantial and well-researched examples to support your argument, which is a strong point.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for your argument by clearly presenting the topic and your stance on it.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a well-organized structure, with each paragraph addressing a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to a logical flow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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