IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some people feel that punishment should focus more on rehabilitation instead of long prison terms. Others feel prison terms are important for social stability. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #punishment #focus #rehabilitation #prison #terms #stability
Nowadays more and more people think that punishment focuses on
rehabilitation
 rather than long jail. The advocates of
this
 view argue that
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 concentrate on
rehabilitation
. Others,
however
, disagree and believe that
prison
 terms are vital for general stability. On the one hand, those in favour of focusing the
rehabilitation
 have a valid reason to be concerned, about the safety and protection of their life. Currently, the need for alcohol
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 increasing.
Therefore
 it affects the psychology of
this
 issue production of alcohol should be banned by the government.
On the other hand
, there are many people who would argue that
prison
 terms are more effective to reduce alcohol.
Moreover
, there are other reasons,
firstly
 tellers should be
detentioned
Correct your spelling
detention
 in
prison
why
Correct word choice
because
show examples
 they do not crimes. Indeed, alcoholism has increased over the years
subsequently
rehabilitation
 has
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 important role
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
teplers
Correct your spelling
tellers
temple
 life in worldwide. In conclusion, there
this
 no need for
prison
 terms generally for society. I do not believe
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 decision to
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
. I think professionals consider that valid issue which product from alcoholic production and improve
rehabilitation
 over the research.
Submitted by uluga2002 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: