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Band 3

Many cities are now turning parks and farmland into new housing developments. Is this a positive or negative development?

#cities #parks #farmland #developments #development
Rapidly growing cities have to improve
housing
Correct article usage
the housing
show examples
 environment by providing new apartments and fresh accommodation. Some people reckon that it is a positive improvement and some of them that it is not. From my point of view,
this
 development might cause some negative issues for people in the future. It is well known that parks, which are planted with various flora, can produce oxygen and maintain
the
Correct article usage
apply
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air quality. That’s why
dramatic
Correct article usage
the dramatic
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decreasing
Replace the word
decrease
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of
Change preposition
in
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 planted parks can lead to
loosing
Replace the word
losing
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 natural
tool
Fix the agreement mistake
tools
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 to filter pollution. Recent news showed that Jakarta, the capital
city
 of Indonesia become the most polluted
city
 in the world. The
city
 development is raising rapidly,
government
Add an article
the government
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 was
concentrate
Wrong verb form
concentrating
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 on providing accommodation for
local
Add an article
the local
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 population, and forgot about
environment
Replace the word
environmental
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 improvement. That was the biggest mistake done by
Correct article usage
the Indonesian’s
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Indonesian’s
Change noun form
Indonesian
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authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
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 leading to massive air pollution.
City
Add an article
The city
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 become so contaminated that people
started
Add the particle
tostarted
show examples
get
Wrong verb form
getting
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 diseases
Add the particle
to invoke
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invoke
Wrong verb form
invoked
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 by pollutants.
Obviously
Add a comma
,Obviously
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 replacement
farmland
Change preposition
of farmland
show examples
into
Change preposition
with
show examples
 housing
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 can
case
Correct your spelling
cause
show examples
dramatic
Correct article usage
a dramatic
show examples
 raising
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 prices due to using imported products. An excellent example of
such
strategy
Correct article usage
a strategy
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 is
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
Mumbai
Change preposition
of Mumbai
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 ,again,in India. Mumbai is known as
expensive
Add an article
an expensive
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city
, due to
fact
Correct article usage
the fact
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 that all eatable products are costly
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because governments have to import all products from downtown. It is clearly seen that replacement farmlands
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is
bad
Add an article
a bad
show examples
 strategy for
development
Replace the word
developing
show examples
 cities. To conclude, it is clearly seen that transforming parks and farmlands into housing
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a lot of negative effects leading to environmental and economic issues.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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