IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is recommended by some lawmakers to punish the parents in place of their children who have commited less serious crimes like disorderly conducts or theft. They say that this will force parents to become more responsible in taking care of their children. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

#lawmakers #parents #place #children #crimes #theft #force #care #support
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Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that criminal juveniles,
such
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 as
disorder
Replace the word
disorderly
show examples
 conduct or theft, are araising due to
parents
Use synonyms
’ faults.
Therefore
Linking Words
 some lawmakers recommend punishing the
parents
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 for their
Change noun form
children’s
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childrens’
Correct your spelling
children's
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 bad
behaviours
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 will force them to take care of their
children
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 more closely. In some circumstances, I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement,
however
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, from an ethical perspective, I think
children
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 should be
Correct your spelling
taught
tough
tought
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taught
 to hold
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct your spelling
them
show examples
responsible
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responsibility
show examples
 for their own
behaviours
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.
To begin
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 with,
parents
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 need to take
the
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apply
show examples
responsible
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responsibility
show examples
 for their
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children’s
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 bad
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behaviours
behaviour
bahaviors
Correct your spelling
behaviours
. Since
parents
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 take the main role in raising their
children
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, they must teach
children
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 what is right and wrong and give them good
educations
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education
show examples
. With
well
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good
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 instructions,
children
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 grow up as responsible
people
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 and
reluctant
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are reluctant
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 to participate in any crime.
In other words
Linking Words
,
Add an article
a parent
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parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 ought to be aware of and control their
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children’s
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behaviours
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. Taking
this
Linking Words
 responsibility will let
they
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them
show examples
 take care of their
children
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 more closely and reduce criminal juveniles.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
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 argue that
children
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 should be
Correct your spelling
taught
tough
tought
Correct your spelling
taught
 to hold
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct your spelling
them
show examples
responsible
Replace the word
responsibility
show examples
 for their own
behaviours
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. They suppose that holding
parents
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 accountable for their
Use synonyms
children’s
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 crimes is
way
Add an article
a way
the way
show examples
 of blaming, not trying to resolve the problem.
This
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make
Change the verb form
makes
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 it easier for
children
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 to involve in criminal
action
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activities
show examples
 as they know their
parents
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 will take the blame but not themselves. I personally think that every
people
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 including
children
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 must take the
rssponsible
Correct your spelling
responsible
 for their own
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behaviours
Fix the agreement mistake
behaviour
show examples
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
parents
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 are responsible to supervise and
correct
Wrong verb form
correcting
show examples
Use synonyms
children’s
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behaviours
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, they are not to blame for every one of their actions. These two
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concepts
conepts
Correct your spelling
concepts
 are not mutually exclusive, which indicates that they are both accountable.
Submitted by buiphuongmai on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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