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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, schools are open late so that children can be looked after when parents are at work. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages.

#countries #schools #children #parents #work
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Educational institutions in some countries are kept open beyond their closing hours so that children can be taken care of when their parents are busy.
This
 essay will suggest that the major advantages of
this
 are the safety of the child and
economical
Replace the word
economic
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 benefits to the families,
while
 the potential drawbacks are the decrease in parental guidance.In my opinion. It is true, that keeping children in school is safer and more economical. Keeping them under the vigilance of a known teacher or supervisor ensures safety.
Besides
 that ,it is better than hiring an unknown person or keeping them in a daycare facility where people generally lack responsibility.
Furthermore
,
this
 has several
economical
Correct word choice
economic
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 benefits for the parents because
this
 allows the possibility for the mother to pursue a career and not get busy with childcare activities. The household gets a double income source when both the mother and the father are earning.
For instance
, previously only the males would work but
due to
 the availability of a facility like
this
Add a comma
this,
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 even the women can earn a living, which means that the family can upgrade their living significantly.
However
, there are disadvantages like poor bonding and reduction in parental influence. Decreased time spent with their kin and more time spent at school can result in the weakening of bonds and relations.
This
 results in issues later in adulthood. Recent studies have demonstrated that most adults who have psychological problems are those who
had
Wrong verb form
have
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 poor bonds with their kin during childhood.
Moreover
, the decreased influence of parents on them can make them indulge in inappropriate activities and may detract them from academics.
For example
, teenagers who come from broken families tend to develop a predisposition to abuse drugs and commit offensive acts. In conclusion,
although
 there are several advantages of
this
 development ,there are a fair number of disadvantages too. The benefits are good security and better finances,
while
 the drawbacks are poor interaction within the family and reduced guidance. In my opinion.
Submitted by divkapadia on

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Task Achievement
Address all parts of the task. Present a clear position throughout the response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure all ideas are logically presented and linked. Use a variety of cohesive devices (e.g., connectors, pronouns, conjunctions) and organize information effectively.
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