IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In order to reduce crime, we need to attack the cause of crime such as poverty and lack of educational opportunities. It’s not enough to simply have more police on the street and put more people into prison. Do you agree or disagree?

#crime #attack #poverty #lack #opportunities #it’s #police #street #people #prison
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
I strongly agree that addressing the root causes of
crime
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as poverty and lack of
education
Use synonyms
, is more effective than relying solely on increasing
police
Use synonyms
 presence or imprisonment. Tackling these underlying issues can lead to a long-term reduction in criminal activity and create a more equitable society.
Firstly
Linking Words
, poverty is a significant factor that pushes individuals toward
crime
Use synonyms
. People living in deprived conditions often lack access to basic needs, forcing some to resort to illegal activities to survive. By implementing policies that reduce income inequality and provide better social support, governments can help to eliminate
this
Linking Words
 major cause of
crime
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, job creation programs and affordable housing initiatives can give people a stable foundation and reduce their need to engage in criminal acts.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
education
Use synonyms
 plays a critical role in preventing
crime
Use synonyms
. A lack of
education
Use synonyms
 often limits individuals’ opportunities for employment, leading them to seek alternative, often illegal, ways to earn a living. Providing free or affordable
education
Use synonyms
 and vocational training can equip individuals with the skills needed to secure decent jobs.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
education
Use synonyms
 can promote moral values and discourage criminal
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 from an early age, making it a sustainable solution to reducing
crime
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, increasing
police
Use synonyms
 presence and imprisoning offenders may offer immediate results but fail to address the reasons why crimes occur. Prisons often serve as a temporary deterrent but do not rehabilitate individuals effectively, leading to high rates of reoffending.
Additionally
Linking Words
, a heavy
police
Use synonyms
 presence may create fear among citizens rather than solving the actual problem. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 having more
police
Use synonyms
 and prisons can help manage
crime
Use synonyms
 in the short term, addressing poverty and improving
education
Use synonyms
 are crucial for achieving long-term reductions in criminal activity.
Therefore
Linking Words
, governments should focus more on preventive measures rather than reactive solutions.
Submitted by nekofloryshop on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
In the section where you mention poverty and lack of education as root causes of crime, include specific examples or data to support these points. This could enhance the depth of your arguments.
task achievement
Consider balancing your argument by acknowledging any potential benefits or reasons behind increasing police presence and imprisonment. This will show a deeper consideration of multiple perspectives, enhancing the task response.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. For example, transition words or phrases can be used to connect your thoughts more fluidly, which will increase the coherence of the essay.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly outlines the opinion that addressing root causes is more effective, setting a clear direction for the essay, which is important for both coherence and task achievement.
logical structure
The essay provides a well-structured response with clear paragraphing, and each paragraph elaborates on a specific point related to reducing crime, showing good logical organization.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the key points and reaffirms the opinion stated in the introduction, ensuring a coherent closure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: