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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think painting and drawing are as important as other subjects, they should be compulsory in the high school education. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #subjects #school #education
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For the time being, a large number of people claim that high
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 should
increase
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 hours of the painting. On the one way, I agree with the statement, because drawing improves
children
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's imagination,
moreover
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, pupils become less
stressful
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stressed
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. On the other way, I disagree, because we have more important
subjects
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 in our life, which
related
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are related
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 to our career. On the one hand, nowadays many
children
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 become lazy
,
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apply
show examples
 because technologies disturb them. Actually, they do not have a strong imagination, because they adopted to find the
Correct your spelling
information on
informationon
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information on
 the internet without thinking.
For example
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, if a teacher at school gives an essay to a child, it is clear that
a
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the
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 pupil will not have an idea, because he adopted to write an essay from the internet without his opinion, because of the fact that
children
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 should try
in
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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drawing. From my point of view,
to paint
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painting
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 pictures,
it
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apply
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is so enjoyable and it can prevent stress.
For instance
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, if the government increases lessons
of
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in
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 painting, it will be useful for offspring, because in the future they will live without stress and depression. These two opinions can prevent
children
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's depression and
increase
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 imagination too. It is
obviously
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obvious
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, that in the future we will
we will
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apply
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need
subjects
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, which
more
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are more
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 important than art,
such
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 as math, physics, chemistry and so on. In my opinion,
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governments
government
goverments
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governments
 should
increase
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hours
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the hours
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 of science
subjects
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, because I believe that a small part of
Add an article
the pupil
a pupil
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pupil
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pupils
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 will be an artist. I mean, offspring should study science
subjects
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, because 90% of jobs
requires
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require
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 these
subjects
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.
For instance
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, a child wants to be a pilot in the future,
Linking Words
however
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,however
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this
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 profession demands physics, math and pi.
On
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In
show examples
this
Linking Words
 case, people will not need
painting
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to paint
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 and
drawing
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draw
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. In conclusion, I believe that all governments will
increase
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a
Change the article
the
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 number of art
,
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apply
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 because it
develop
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develops
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children
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's outlook and
calming
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calm
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. But I disagree that drawing and painting will be needed in all jobs.
Submitted by bekzodeshonjonovv on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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