Some people think painting and drawing are as important as other subjects, they should be compulsory in the high school education. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
For the time being, a large number of people claim that high
school
should Fix the agreement mistake
schools
increase
hours of the painting. On the one way, I agree with the statement, because drawing improves children
's imagination, moreover
, pupils become less stressful
. On the other way, I disagree, because we have more important Replace the word
stressed
subjects
in our life, which related
to our career.
On the one hand, nowadays many Add a missing verb
are related
children
become lazy,
because technologies disturb them. Actually, they do not have a strong imagination, because they adopted to find the Remove the comma
apply
Correct your spelling
information on
informationon
the internet without thinking. Correct your spelling
information on
For example
, if a teacher at school gives an essay to a child, it is clear that a
pupil will not have an idea, because he adopted to write an essay from the internet without his opinion, because of the fact that Correct article usage
the
children
should try in
Change preposition
apply
the
drawing. From my point of view, Correct article usage
apply
to paint
pictures, Change the verb form
painting
it
is so enjoyable and it can prevent stress. Correct pronoun usage
apply
For instance
, if the government increases lessons of
painting, it will be useful for offspring, because in the future they will live without stress and depression. These two opinions can prevent Change preposition
in
children
's depression and increase
imagination too.
It is obviously
, that in the future we will Replace the word
obvious
we will
need Remove the redundancy
apply
subjects
, which more
important than art, Add a missing verb
are more
such
as math, physics, chemistry and so on. In my opinion, Correct your spelling
governments
government
goverments
should Correct your spelling
governments
increase
hours
of science Correct article usage
the hours
subjects
, because I believe that a small part of Add an article
the pupil
a pupil
pupil
will be an artist. I mean, offspring should study science Fix the agreement mistake
pupils
subjects
, because 90% of jobs requires
these Change the verb form
require
subjects
. For instance
, a child wants to be a pilot in the future, however
Add a comma
,however
this
profession demands physics, math and pi. On
Change preposition
In
this
case, people will not need painting
and Change the verb form
to paint
drawing
.
In conclusion, I believe that all governments will Replace the word
draw
increase
a
number of artChange the article
the
,
because it Remove the comma
apply
develop
Change the verb form
develops
children
's outlook and calming
. But I disagree that drawing and painting will be needed in all jobs.Replace the word
calm
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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite