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Band 4.5

In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details.

#countries #teenagers #jobs #students #idea #support
Some people think that it is not a good idea, for
teenagers
 to
be allow
Change the verb form
be allowed
show examples
 to do
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jobs while they are still
students
. Other people support the claim that
teenagers
 can do
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 along with their studies. The issue is
controversial
Add an article
a controversial
show examples
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
but a closer examination reveals that
teenagers
 should be allowed to do the
job
. One
reason
 is that in
this
 era of fast and competitive
life
 most
students
 want to secure their place in a good company. For
this
reason
Add a comma
,reason
show examples
 some of the
students
 prefer to do industrial training
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 before they sit for any campus placements. They do
this
 industrial training, in the form of a
short term
Add a hyphen
short-term
show examples
job
 or
short term
Add a hyphen
short-term
show examples
 internship.
This
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 them
developing
Change the form of the verb
develop
show examples
 a good base for getting a
job
 in future
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when a good or big company visits the campus for placements. The other
reason
 is that some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students
 today want to make a balance in their
life
. They want to challenge themselves for doing well in both,
job
Correct pronoun usage
their job
show examples
 and their studies. Some of these
students
 do
Correct pronoun usage
their job
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 to make their
life
more busy
Replace the words
busier
show examples
 rather than enjoying and wasting
time
 at discos and social parties. Perhaps the most important
reason
 is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 some of the
students
 are financially unstable and they can not pay their fees. So they opt for a
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
job
. By doing
this
job
 sometimes they can pay their fees, earn
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pocket money and
also
 help their families.
For example
, I have a friend of mine doing
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
job
 in a company. He is a student
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
third
Change the article
the third
show examples
 year. He earns from his
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
job
 and pays his fees from that money. From the remaining
money
Add a comma
,money
show examples
 he
support
Change the verb form
supports
show examples
 his
life
 and his family. Some people might say that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it is not a good idea for
teenagers
 to be allowed to do the
job
. Because It will diminish their productivity as
students
 and they might not be able to
de
Correct your spelling
do
show examples
 well in their studies. But I, personally feel that
teenagers
 should be allowed to do the
job
 because of the aforementioned reasons. In summary, while there are arguments to be made for both sides of the issue, it is clear that there are much greater advantages
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 allowing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenager
Replace the word
teenage
show examples
students
 to do
Correct pronoun usage
their job
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
.
From
Change preposition
For
show examples
 the
above mentioned
Add a hyphen
above-mentioned
show examples
reasons
Add a comma
,reasons
show examples
 it is evident that
teenagers
 should be allowed to do the
job
.
Submitted by samsulislam43.si on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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