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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details.

#countries #teenagers #jobs #students #idea #support
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Some people think that it is not a good idea, for
teenagers
Use synonyms
 to
be allow
Change the verb form
be allowed
show examples
 to do
the
Correct article usage
apply
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jobs while they are still
students
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. Other people support the claim that
teenagers
Use synonyms
 can do
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 along with their studies. The issue is
controversial
Add an article
a controversial
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one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
but a closer examination reveals that
teenagers
Use synonyms
 should be allowed to do the
job
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. One
reason
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 is that in
this
Linking Words
 era of fast and competitive
life
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 most
students
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 want to secure their place in a good company. For
this
Linking Words
Use synonyms
reason
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,reason
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 some of the
students
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 prefer to do industrial training
,
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apply
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 before they sit for any campus placements. They do
this
Linking Words
 industrial training, in the form of a
short term
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short-term
show examples
job
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 or
short term
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short-term
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 internship.
This
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help
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helps
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 them
developing
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develop
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 a good base for getting a
job
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 in future
,
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apply
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 when a good or big company visits the campus for placements. The other
reason
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 is that some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students
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 today want to make a balance in their
life
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. They want to challenge themselves for doing well in both,
Use synonyms
job
Correct pronoun usage
their job
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 and their studies. Some of these
students
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 do
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Correct pronoun usage
their job
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job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 to make their
life
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more busy
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busier
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 rather than enjoying and wasting
time
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 at discos and social parties. Perhaps the most important
reason
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 is that
,
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apply
show examples
 some of the
students
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 are financially unstable and they can not pay their fees. So they opt for a
Add a hyphen
part-time
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part
Add a hyphen
part-time
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time
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job
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. By doing
this
Linking Words
job
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 sometimes they can pay their fees, earn
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pocket money and
also
Linking Words
 help their families.
For example
Linking Words
, I have a friend of mine doing
part
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part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
job
Use synonyms
 in a company. He is a student
of
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in
show examples
Linking Words
third
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the third
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 year. He earns from his
Add a hyphen
part-time
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part
Add a hyphen
part-time
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time
Use synonyms
job
Use synonyms
 and pays his fees from that money. From the remaining
money
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,money
show examples
 he
support
Change the verb form
supports
show examples
 his
life
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 and his family. Some people might say that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it is not a good idea for
teenagers
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 to be allowed to do the
job
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. Because It will diminish their productivity as
students
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 and they might not be able to
de
Correct your spelling
do
show examples
 well in their studies. But I, personally feel that
teenagers
Use synonyms
 should be allowed to do the
job
Use synonyms
 because of the aforementioned reasons. In summary, while there are arguments to be made for both sides of the issue, it is clear that there are much greater advantages
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 allowing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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teenager
Replace the word
teenage
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students
Use synonyms
 to do
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
their job
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
.
From
Change preposition
For
show examples
 the
above mentioned
Add a hyphen
above-mentioned
show examples
reasons
Add a comma
,reasons
show examples
 it is evident that
teenagers
Use synonyms
 should be allowed to do the
job
Use synonyms
.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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